When it comes to discussions around teens and their relationship with technology, the loudest voices in the room are often adults. Parents, caregivers, educators, researchers, policymakers, and media pundits regularly debate whether smartphones are ruining childhood, if social media is toxic for youth, or whether phones and other technology should be limited or banned altogether. But one critical voice is often missing from the table, that of the teens themselves.
However, even when teens are included in the conversation, we have found that it’s rarely on their terms. More often than not, their perspectives are framed by adult assumptions, and their words are used not to deepen the discussion, but to reinforce a predetermined adult narrative.
There’s a growing tendency to include “youth voices” in public discussions about technology, but we need to ask, are we really hearing them, or are we selectively amplifying them to support adult-led agendas?
Too frequently, the questions posed to teens about their tech use are structured in leading ways:
- “How do you feel social media is harming your mental health?”
- “Do you think you’d be happier if you didn’t have your phone?”
- “Wouldn’t life be better if we went back to the way it was before technology?”
These types of questions assume the problem before the teen even has a chance to reflect. The result? We get cherry-picked quotes that fit nicely into articles or headlines that say, “Even kids admit phones are bad for them.” What we don’t get is the nuance, the complexity, and the lived experience of young people navigating an increasingly onlife world.
We have witnessed that sometimes, youth and teens are being used as props in adult debates. Whether it’s a school board meeting, a media interview, or a viral tweet, their input often appears in the form of a polished soundbite, one that supports the views of the adult doing the talking.
This isn’t meaningful inclusion. It’s performative.
It’s like asking a teen for their opinion, but only if it aligns with what we adults already believe. The moment their perspective challenges the adult narrative, it’s often brushed aside. Their insights are dismissed as naive, their concerns minimized, or their preferences labeled as evidence of addiction or manipulation. The default fallback becomes, “You’re too young to understand,” or “Adults know best.”
This approach doesn’t just silence young voices, it actively undermines their sense of agency and critical thinking. It sends the message that their lived experience with technology doesn’t carry as much weight as an adult’s opinion about their experience. That’s not dialogue, that’s control.
Worse, it reinforces a false dichotomy that adults are the rational, wise overseers of technology, while teens are helpless users being swept away by algorithms and dopamine hits. While there are certainly risks in the onlife world that youth need guidance on, this framing erases the fact that many teens are already critically aware of the pros and cons of their digital lives. They are navigating complexities we never had to at their age, and many are doing so with thoughtfulness, resilience, and creativity. As one high school girl, who was interviewed by Dr. Sameer Hinduja, stated:
“Many assume we are clueless about the dangers of social media, but my friends and I are actually incredibly aware of the risks and constantly take steps to protect ourselves. We have learned how to filter content, block, report and we are always sharing tips with each other on how to avoid creepy interactions, misinformation, and scams. Yes, social media is undoubtedly overwhelming, but as consumers, we are not passive, we are conscious users who know how to manage and navigate our online experiences.” (1)
If we continue to treat youth perspectives as valid only when they reinforce our fears, we miss the opportunity to learn from them and build meaningful, trust-based relationships that help them thrive in the onlife world.
When we ignore or minimize youth perspectives, we do more than just miss the full picture, we risk creating policies, rules, and cultural narratives that do more harm than good.
Youth and teens are not a monolith. Most are thriving online, creating content, building communities, exploring identities, and finding support. However, some are struggling with comparison, harassment, or the pressure to always be “on.” Many are experiencing both, just like adults. If we want to support them meaningfully, we need to stop speaking about them and start speaking with them.
What Parents and Caregivers Can Do
- Start by approaching conversations with curiosity rather than criticism. Teens are far more likely to open up when they don’t feel judged or interrogated. Ask open-ended, thoughtful questions such as, “What do you enjoy about being online?” or “Are there parts of social media that make you feel stressed or anxious?” (2) These types of questions not only show genuine interest but also invite teens to reflect and express themselves honestly, without the fear that they’re about to be lectured or shut down.
- It’s also important to create space for complexity. Digital life isn’t black and white, it’s not all good or all bad, and teens are fully capable of recognizing that. Encourage them to share both the positive and negative aspects of their online experiences. When they do, try not to jump to conclusions or problem-solve right away. Instead, listen and validate what they’re telling you, even if it challenges your own assumptions or makes you uncomfortable. That kind of trust-building is far more powerful than any screen-time limit.
- If you’re part of community conversations, whether at school, in parent groups, or on social media, make an effort to amplify youth voices authentically. That means not just quoting what teens say, but advocating for their meaningful involvement in decision-making spaces. Encourage other adults to listen with open minds and no hidden agendas. True inclusion means teens help shape the conversation, not just decorate it with quotes.
- Commit to learning about technology alongside your teen. Instead of positioning yourself as a gatekeeper, become a co-explorer. Ask them to show you what platforms they’re using, what content creators they enjoy, and what trends they’re seeing. This shifts the dynamic from monitoring to mutual discovery—and shows your teen that their knowledge is valued. Not only does this strengthen your relationship, but it also keeps you informed about the digital spaces your child is growing up in.
Listening to teens isn’t a checkbox, it’s a responsibility. If we want to create an onlife world where they are safe, empowered, and respected, we need to stop using their voices as soundbites and start hearing them as important participants in discussions surrounding technology. Not just when they say what we want to hear, but especially when they don’t!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
Reference:
1/https://cyberbullying.org/teens-view-of-social-media-in-2025
