Parenting in today’s onlife world can feel overwhelming. Headlines scream about online dangers, viral social media trends spark panic, and it can seem like the internet is an unavoidable hazard. But there’s an important distinction to be made, just because something is frightening doesn’t mean it’s dangerous. Understanding this difference is crucial in making informed, balanced decisions about your child’s technology use.
The difference between frightening and dangerous lies in perception versus actual risk.
- Frightening refers to something that causes fear or anxiety, but it doesn’t necessarily mean there is real harm involved. A situation, image, or idea can be frightening without posing any real danger. For example, a scary movie or a thunderstorm might be frightening, but they don’t necessarily put you in harm’s way.
- Dangerous means there is a real risk of harm or injury. Something dangerous has the potential to cause physical, emotional, or financial damage. For example, walking on the edge of a cliff without a safety railing is dangerous because it poses an actual threat to your well-being.
It’s natural to feel uneasy about youth and technology. A news story about a risky online trend or a social media app that connects kids with questionable people online can immediately set off alarm bells. Sensationalized media coverage and viral posts often amplify these fears, making it seem like every child is at imminent risk. However, fear alone doesn’t make something dangerous, it often just means it’s unfamiliar, uncomfortable, or out of our control.
Take, for example, a common concern among parents: child abduction. Many parents argue that their pre-teen needs a phone in case they are kidnapped. However, having a phone would not prevent an abduction, and more importantly, the risk of a child being taken by a stranger in Canada is extremely low. According to the Missing Children Society of Canada and the RCMP’s National Centre for Missing Persons and Unidentified Remains, the vast majority of missing children cases involve runaways or family-related abductions, not stranger kidnappings. While this fear is understandable, it is not representative of the most probable risks children face online or offline.
Something is truly dangerous when it poses a real and tangible risk to a child’s well-being, whether physical, emotional, or psychological. Instead of focusing on what’s frightening, it’s more productive to address the real dangers kids face online
Online exploitation and grooming are real and documented risks, unlike viral social media hoaxes that often cause unnecessary panic.Predators use digital platforms to manipulate and take advantage of vulnerable youth, gradually building trust before exploiting them. For example, a predator may pose as a peer in online gaming communities, befriending a child over time before introducing inappropriate conversations or requests. To counter this, parents and caregivers should educate their children on the essential elements of grooming such as online asking for secrecy, attempts to move conversations to private platforms, or excessive flattery. (1) Encouraging open communication and reassuring kids that they can talk to a trusted adult without fear of punishment is key to prevention.
Sextortion scams are becoming alarmingly common, with teens being coerced into sending explicit images and then blackmailed for money or further images. Unlike generalized fears about “too much screen time,” this is a concrete and growing threat. For instance, cases have surfaced where scammers pose as a romantic interest, persuade a teen to share intimate photos, and then demand payment under threat of exposure. (2) Addressing this issue requires proactive conversations about online privacy and boundaries. Parents should emphasize that no matter how severe the situation seems, their child should never comply with a blackmailer’s demands and should seek help immediately.
Misinformation and radicalization are additional dangers youth face online, as exposure to conspiracy theories and extremist content can shape their worldview in unhealthy ways. (3)(4) Social media algorithms often promote sensational or polarizing content, leading some young people down ideological rabbit holes. For example, a teen searching for fitness tips might unknowingly be exposed to extremist ideologies disguised as self-improvement content. Teaching kids how to critically evaluate online information, fact-check sources, and recognize manipulative tactics is essential in fostering digital literacy.
Cyberbullying and digital harassment pose serious emotional and psychological risks for youth. While concerns about screen time dominate many discussions, the real harm often comes from the way social interactions unfold online. Hurtful messages, public shaming, or exclusion from online groups can lead to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. (5) For example, a child might face relentless bullying in a group chat, with peers encouraging them to harm themselves. To combat this, parents should help children develop coping strategies, such as blocking harassers, limiting engagement with toxic interactions, and seeking support when needed. Encouraging them to report harmful behaviour and reassuring them that they are not alone can make a significant difference in their resilience and well-being.
Parents and caregivers can take meaningful steps to keep their children safer online by focusing on real risks rather than reacting to fear. It’s natural to feel concerned about the dangers of the onlife world, but outright banning technology can leave kids unprepared for the realities of online interactions. Instead, it’s more effective to equip them with the necessary skills and age-appropriate tools to navigate digital spaces safely. Just as we teach children how to cross the street rather than forbidding them from ever going outside, we should help them develop the ability to assess risks and make smart choices online. Encouraging critical thinking enables kids to recognize warning signs of potential harm, such as manipulative behaviour, misinformation, or unsafe online challenges. When youth learn to assess these risks on their own, they become more confident and capable digital citizens who can safely engage with the internet.
It’s important to remember that encountering something unsettling online does not automatically mean a child is in danger. While exposure to inappropriate or distressing content can be upsetting, panic responses from parents and caregivers can make kids feel ashamed or afraid to discuss their experiences. Instead of reacting with immediate bans or restrictions, focus on helping youth build coping skills to manage discomfort. Teach them to take a step back, process their emotions, and talk to a trusted adult when they see something that makes them feel uneasy. This approach helps youth develop emotional resilience and ensures they feel supported rather than punished for accidental exposure to troubling content. The goal isn’t to shield them from every negative experience but to provide them with the tools to handle difficult situations in a healthy and constructive way.
Open communication is one of the most powerful tools in online safety. Youth who feel they can approach their parents and caregivers without fear of punishment are far more likely to seek help when they truly need it. If a youth believes they will lose access to their device or be reprimanded for admitting a mistake, they may choose to hide potentially serious issues, such as cyberbullying, online exploitation, or accidental exposure to harmful content. Instead of reacting with immediate consequences, focus on fostering a non-judgmental environment where they feel comfortable discussing their digital experiences. Let them know that your priority is their safety, not punishment, and that you are there to help guide them through challenges rather than control every aspect of their online activity.
While privacy settings and parental controls can provide an added layer of protection, they should not be relied upon as a substitute for education and awareness. No filter or software can replace the value of teaching youth how to recognize and respond to online risks on their own. Rather than focusing solely on restrictions, work with your child to understand how privacy settings function and why they are important. Encourage them to think critically about the information they share online and to regularly review their privacy settings on social media and apps. The best defence against online risks is not just technical safeguards, but a youth who understands the importance of digital self-protection and has the confidence to make safe choices.
Children learn digital habits from their parents, so modeling healthy technology use is essential. If youth see their caregivers constantly glued to their screens, engaging in online arguments, or mindlessly scrolling for hours, they will likely adopt similar behaviours. Instead, demonstrate a balanced approach by setting screen time boundaries, taking breaks from devices, questioning online sources before sharing information, and fostering open discussions about digital experiences. Show them how to engage positively with technology, whether it’s using social media responsibly, verifying news articles, or engaging in meaningful online interactions. By leading by example, parents can help shape their child’s understanding of responsible and mindful digital use.
Technology evolves rapidly, and so do the risks associated with it. The online landscape today is vastly different from even a few years ago, and new trends, platforms, and threats are constantly emerging. Staying informed about these changes enables parents to guide their children more effectively and respond to potential dangers with knowledge rather than fear. Seek out credible sources, attend digital literacy workshops, and engage with experts who can provide up-to-date information on the latest online risks. At The White Hatter, we support parents and caregivers in navigating these challenges by offering education, resources, and expert insights on internet safety, privacy, and responsible digital use. By taking an active role in understanding the digital world, you can help empower your child to explore it safely and responsibly.
The onlife world is not inherently dangerous, but it can be if we let fear dictate our parenting. By distinguishing between what’s frightening and what’s truly risky, we empower youth and teens to be informed, confident, and safe onlife citizens. Instead of shutting down their access to technology out of fear, let’s equip them with the knowledge and skills to use it in a safer way.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References:
1/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/online-sexual-predation-and-exploitation/
2/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/sextortion/
5/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/cyberbullying-digital-peer-aggression/
