As parents and caregivers, our instinct is often to say “no” when it comes to our children’s online activities. “No, you can’t download that app.” “No, I don’t want you spending so much time on social media.” “No, I don’t see why you need to post that.” While these responses stem from a place of protection, an over-reliance on “no” can inadvertently create distance between us and our children, especially as they navigate their onlife world.
Instead of defaulting to “no”, what if we found ways to strategically say “yes” more often? Doing so builds what we call “parent credit”, a reservoir of trust, connection, and open communication that benefits parents, caregivers, and youth as they explore the onlife world.
Saying “yes” doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries or throwing caution to the wind. Remember, our role is to be our child’s best parent, not their best friend. Instead, it means strategically engaging with our children’s online interests rather than just policing them. When we take the time to understand their onlife world and participate in it, we show respect for their experiences and establish ourselves as involved, supportive mentors rather than distant authority figures. Yes, there will be times that we will have to say “no”, and our kids aren’t going to like that, but that is what makes us parents and caregivers.
However, through our presentations to over 655,000 youth, we have learned that youth who feel their parents or caregivers understand their onlife world are far more likely to turn to them when something goes wrong. When youth trust that their parent or caregiver won’t overreact, ban devices, or forbid platforms outright without thoughtful reason, they feel safer opening up about challenges they face online. Instead of hiding problems out of fear, they are more inclined to seek guidance, knowing their parent or caregiver will respond with support rather than punishment.
It has been our experience that youth are more willing to share their digital experiences when they sense genuine interest rather than judgment. When parents or caregivers engage with curiosity instead of criticism, youth are more likely to discuss their online activities, the content they enjoy, and the people they interact with. This openness fosters stronger communication and allows parents and caregivers to stay informed about their child’s digital world without resorting to intrusive monitoring.
When parents and caregivers take a balanced and informed approach to digital literacy and mentorship, their children are more likely to take their advice seriously. Instead of dismissing rules as outdated or overly restrictive, youth become more receptive to discussions about online safety, privacy, and responsible use. Demonstrating an understanding of technology and social media positions parents and caregivers as trusted allies rather than out-of-touch enforcers.
One of the best ways to foster a positive relationship with your child’s onlife world is to explore their interests together. If your child is passionate about a particular social media platform, trend, or game, take the time to understand it. Ask them to show you how it works instead of dismissing it outright. Watch their favourite YouTubers or TikTok creators together, or even try playing their favourite game. Engaging with their digital interests sends a clear message: “What matters to you matters to me.” This strengthens your bond and keeps you informed about their online spaces.
Instead of outright banning an app, consider setting boundaries collaboratively to create a sense of shared responsibility. A hard “no” can sometimes push youth toward secrecy, while a thoughtful “yes” with guidelines helps them develop responsible habits. For example, if your child asks to join YouTube, rather than immediately refusing, you could say, “Yes, but let’s make sure your account is private, and I’d love to see the first few videos you post.” This approach allows them to engage with social media while reinforcing the importance of privacy and digital safety. We have written another article to help parents and caregivers titled “Ensuring App Safety for Teens” that we know can help you in your decision process (1)
Many youth today express themselves creatively online through video editing, music, art, or writing. Encouraging safer online creativity allows them to explore their interests without unnecessary restrictions. If your child wants to post a video or share their artwork, support their enthusiasm while guiding them toward smart choices. Saying, “Yes, you can share that, but let’s go over the privacy settings first,” empowers them while reinforcing critical digital literacy skills. Teaching them how to protect their content from unwanted attention helps them make informed decisions rather than relying on trial and error.
Take the time to celebrate your child’s digital accomplishments. If they spend hours designing graphics, editing videos, or writing stories for an online audience, recognize their effort. A simple “That’s really impressive!” or “I love how creative you are!” can mean the world to them. Rather than focusing solely on potential dangers, acknowledge the positive aspects of their digital presence. When youth feel validated for their passions, they are more likely to share their online experiences with you, keeping communication open and trust intact.
Building “parent credit” means fostering a relationship where your child sees you as a partner in their digital life rather than an adversary. This trust ensures that when real online challenges arise, such as cyberbullying, inappropriate content, or risky situations, they’ll feel comfortable turning to you for guidance.
Instead of being the parent or caregiver who always says “no,” strive to be the parent or caregiver who finds ways to say “yes” while maintaining your child’s safety and digital well-being. That “yes” could be the bridge that keeps communication open and strengthens your bond in an era where digital connection plays a major role in their lives.
In today’s onlife world, saying “yes” isn’t about unrestricted access, it’s about fostering trust, building boundaries, communication, and mutual respect. If we automatically shut down our children’s requests, we risk pushing them toward secrecy rather than informed decision-making. Will there be times that as a parent or caregiver you will have to say no? – ABSOLUTELY! However, he next time your child asks about something online, pause before saying “no” and ask yourself, “Is there a way I can say ‘yes’ while still guiding them wisely?” That small shift in approach can make all the difference. As we share in our parent presentation:
“When we share our concerns with our kids about their onlife world, we should do so in a way that ties into where they are today, and is relevant to their life and appeals to their intelligence and experience. This will help them make good onlife decisions”
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
Reference:
1/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/ensuring-app-safety-for-teens-a-guide-for-parents-and-caregivers/
