In today’s rapidly evolving digital landscape where technology is ubiquitous, raising our kiddos has taken on new dimensions. Technology has woven and integrated itself into every aspect of our lives, including how we parent. The challenges and opportunities that technology brings can be both exciting and daunting, particularly when it comes to our children’s use of digital devices and the internet. As parents, finding the delicate balance between trust and consequences, when it comes to their use of technology, is crucial in guiding our children in today’s onlife world.
When we hand our children a device or provide them access to the internet, we’re essentially entrusting them with a powerful tool. Just as we teach them how to use a bike safely or cross the road safely, we must also equip them with the skills and awareness they need to navigate the digital world safely and responsibly.
Building family trust surrounding technology involves open communication and setting clear expectations. As parents and caregivers, we should engage in meaningful conversations with our children about the potential benefits and risks of technology – something we like to call a “transformational approach” to onlife parenting (1). By fostering age-appropriate agency, a sense of responsibility, and accountability we lay the groundwork for trust to flourish.
Equally important as trust is the concept of consequences. Just as in the physical world, actions online have repercussions – both good and bad. Teaching children about consequences is not about stifling their freedom but empowering them to make informed choices. It’s about helping them understand that their actions, whether positive or negative, have real-world implications and consequences be it online or offline.
However, the approach to consequences should be thoughtful, well-balanced, and incremental in nature. Surprise punishments, as tempting as they might seem, can breed confusion and resentment, and can often create an “us vs them” family environment. Instead, establish a framework where expectations and potential outcomes are crystal clear. Define what constitutes acceptable online behavior and outline the corresponding consequences for both responsible and irresponsible actions – proper pre-planning can often prevent poor online performance. Such clarity ensures that children are fully aware of the path they are on and the choices they make can have both positive and negative outcomes. This is something that we speak to in our family collective agreement (2)
Central to this approach is empowering our children with choices and options. The onlife world offers a vast array of choices and options, and rather than imposing strict controls, we should enable them to exercise their judgment. By understanding that their actions online lead to either positive or negative outcomes, children learn to make informed choices that align with their values and aspirations, which helps to build resiliency.
This doesn’t mean relinquishing all parental control; it means fostering an environment where our children can come to us with questions, concerns, and even mistakes without fear of parental anger or humiliation. It’s an ongoing dialogue that encourages them to seek guidance when they encounter unfamiliar situations or when they’ve made a misstep. Through these conversations, we reinforce the idea that we are collaborative mentors in their onlife journey, here to support and guide them along the way until they are ready to go it alone.
In today’s onlife world, parenting takes on a new dimension, where trust and consequences form the pillars of responsible technology use. By fostering open communication, setting clear expectations, and providing a well-defined path to both trust and consequences, we equip our children with the tools they need to navigate the onlife world safely and thoughtfully. The goal is not to control their every move, but to nurture and mentor their sense of responsibility, accountability, and self-awareness. As parents, let’s work together to guide our children along this path, fostering a healthy and empowered relationship with technology. It not about “no” technology, it’s all about “know” technology!(3)
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
References:
1/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/blog/a-transformational-approach-to-parenting-in-todays-onlife-world/
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