CAVEAT: As parents and caregivers, we need to understand that it is becoming increasingly evident that the younger generation perceives the world in a way that’s vastly different from ours. Adults tend to differentiate between the online and offline worlds, youth see the world as one integrated whole – something that academics call the “onlife world”. As a parent or caregiver, it’s important to adapt and understand a youth’s perspective. It’s not just about keeping up with the latest technology or social media trends, but also about acknowledging that a teen’s world is fundamentally different from the one we adults grew up in. By using the term “onlife world” in our conversations, we can show youth that we respect and appreciate their way of seeing their world. As such, we will be using the term “onlife world” in this blog article.
It is a fact, that technology has become ubiquitous and an integral part of our children’s lives. However, to effectively guide our children through the digital landscape, it is crucial for parents to first educate themselves. Without digital literacy knowledge and skills, it becomes challenging for parents and caregivers to support their child’s growth and development in today’s onlife world. Regrettably, we have experienced that many parents and caregivers tend to overlook this crucial aspect due to the challenges of allocating the necessary time and effort needed given today’s busy world of parenting. However, our question is – “isn’t it worth investing our time and effort into our children’s well-being?” Parents need to be their child’s best parent and not their best friend when it comes to technology and the internet, but to do this we need to educate ourselves about our kiddo’s onlife world first.
Yes, sometimes it is necessary for parents to say “no” to their children when it comes to technology and the internet. However, it is important to provide youth with a reason for that decision. Simply saying, “because I’m the parent and what I say goes” may be factually correct, but it does not educate the child on the reasoning behind the decision. In order to effectively evaluate and respond to a child’s requests regarding technology and the internet, parents require adequate education and knowledge to aid in their decision-making process.
We here at the White Hatter provide a variety of free evidence-based resources to help parents educate themselves on raising their children in today’s digital world. These include a free web book titled “Parenting In An Online World” (1), as well as many other free parenting resources available on our website (2). By utilizing these resources, parents can gain valuable insights and practical tips to help both themselves and their children navigate the challenges of technology, the internet, and social media.
Although parent education is crucial, it must also be complemented by:
- Enabling age-appropriate youth agency and resiliency
- Modeling of technology by parents
- Facilitating parental communication with their child
- Encouraging parental participation in their child’s online world, and
- Practicing appropriate and reasonable parental oversight
#1 Allowing Youth Agency and Resiliency
Encouraging age-appropriate youth agency and building child resiliency in today’s world are both essential components to ensure that children are equipped with the necessary skills and knowledge to thrive in a technology-driven onlife world, while also staying safe and secure online. Youth agency refers to the capacity of young people to act independently and make choices that influence their lives and the world around them, while youth resiliency when it comes to technology and the internet refers to a child’s ability to use technology and navigate the onlife world in a balanced, healthy, safe, and responsible way, while also being able to cope with any negative or harmful experiences that may arise. Building youth resiliency involves developing critical thinking skills, empathy, self-awareness, and positive relationships with others, as well as the ability to adapt and bounce back from any challenges or setbacks that may occur in their onlife world. Encouraging age-appropriate onlife youth agency is important because it helps young people to develop their confidence and sense of identity, and prepares them to become active and engaged members of society when mom or dad are not around.
#2 Parental Modelling:
Parental modeling of technology is a crucial factor in helping children navigate the challenges of technology and social media. Children learn by example, and if parents demonstrate responsible and balanced use of technology, their children are more likely to follow suit. This means that parents should be aware of their own device usage and activities, including avoiding bringing devices into inappropriate spaces like the bathroom, texting and driving, taking pictures of others without their consent, or using technology as a weapon to target others. Additionally, parents should be mindful of what they share online, as this can impact their children’s understanding of privacy and security.
#3 Parental Communication:
Effective communication is a crucial aspect of parent education when it comes to technology and the internet. Parents should initiate ongoing conversations with their child regarding the risks and benefits associated with technology and the internet in an enlightening and not frightening way, based upon facts and not fear. Parents and caregivers should also be open to their child’s queries and apprehensions and should respond to them in a non-judgmental and empathetic manner. By encouraging an open dialogue about technology, parents can facilitate the development of critical thinking skills, resilience, and help their child make informed decisions about their online activities. Additionally, it conveys the message that their child can seek their help if required, without fearing any overreaction, judgment, or shame.
#4: Parental Participation:
Parental participation in their child’s onlife world is also crucial. This means that parents should take an active interest in their children’s online activities, including social media, online gaming, and other online interactions. By doing so, parents can better understand their children’s digital world and offer guidance and support when needed. It can also help parents identify potential risks and address them proactively. When parents actively participate in their child’s online activities, they are sending a message that they truly care and are interested in understanding their child’s viewpoint of the onlife world.
#5: Parental Overwatch:
It is important for parents to supervise their children’s online activities, particularly when they are young. We recommend that the Gryphon Router is the best way to both monitor and filter pre-teen and younger teen activity in the home (3) However, it is important to remember that monitoring and filtering alone are not good enough. Parents should also establish rules around technology use, such as no tech in the bedrooms or bathrooms. Based on our experience of assisting families with pre-teens and teens who have misused technology and the internet, there are common factors that contribute to inappropriate onlife behavior, one of the most frequent is youth using tech devices, usually a cellphone, but could also include a gaming console, laptop, or desktop computer, while alone in their bedroom or bathroom with unsupervised internet access. We need to get these devices out of bedrooms and bathrooms. These rules can also help children develop healthy habits around technology and ensure that they get enough rest and sleep. To help with setting these boundaries and rules we have created a “Family Collective Agreement” that you can download for free (4)
Enabling age-appropriate access to technology and the internet in a balanced way is crucial for young people to develop resilience in today’s onlife world. We believe that parents should permit their children to use technology and the internet with suitable limitations and guidance based on their age and maturity level. Additionally, parents should consider providing only age-appropriate devices to their children. For pre-teens and younger teens, it’s not advisable to offer fully functioning smartphones, like an Apple or Android phone, unless it’s necessary for medical reasons, such as for children with Type 1 Diabetes. This is because smartphones offer unlimited and unfiltered access to the digital world, and we may not want our children to navigate this world with such a high-powered device, primarily designed for adults rather than youth. To address this issue, we recommend opting for the “Wisephone” as a pre-teen or younger teen’s first phone, which resembles, feels, and operates like a smartphone, but with minimal features (5). Similarly, for a child’s first tablet or laptop, parents can consider the “Tanoshi” computer, which is explicitly designed for pre-teens and younger teens.(6) Rather than allowing pre-teens and younger teens to use Messenger or WeChat, instead have them use a messaging app like “Kinzoo” that is specifically designed for youth and their friends and family (7)
By combining parent education with parental modeling of technology, communication, participation in their child’s onlife world, and reasonable parental supervision, parents can help ensure that their children use technology responsibly and appropriately. Additionally, providing access to age-appropriate devices, establishing technology usage guidelines, and allowing balanced age-appropriate freedom can help instill essential digital literacy skills, agency, and resiliency in children, thus preparing them for a rapidly evolving onlife world both inside and outside the home when mom and dad are not around.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
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