Caveat – Towards the end of each school year, we meet with students to hear from them directly about their use of technology and social media. We wanted to thank the students and teachers who co-ordinated this discussion with us here at the White Hatter. As promised, we will not disclose the name of the school or the students names, you know who you are. Again, big tip of our White Hat for being so open and honest with us!
This week we had the opportunity to sit down for an in-depth, in-person, face-to-face conversation with a diverse group of nine high school students in grades 9 through 11. Although they came from different corners of the world including Canada, Ukraine, Mexico, Japan, the United States, Brazil, and Honduras, they all attend the same high school. Rather than relying on a written questionnaire, we engaged them directly in discussion. This allowed us to hear their unfiltered thoughts and experiences firsthand, a rare and valuable chance to explore how teens from vastly different backgrounds are navigating the universal and borderless onlife world of technology and social media.
These teens offered a refreshingly honest, thoughtful, and at times unexpected perspective on how they, and many of their peers, are navigating the onlife world. As we’ve often said, young people have a great deal to teach us about their relationship with technology, but only if we adults are willing to truly listen. What emerged from our conversation wasn’t the tired narrative of screen addiction, digital distraction, or moral panic. Instead, we heard stories of intentional use, self-awareness, and a strong desire for support and mentorship, not restriction or control. Far from being passive consumers, these teens are actively shaping their online experiences with a level of maturity and insight that challenges many adult assumptions.
Here’s what we learned from this group of teens, and what they want you, their parents, caregivers, and even educators to know.
1. Classroom Tech: Phones Out, Laptops In, And They’re OK With That
Every student we spoke with shared that their school has a clear policy that phones are not to be used in class unless a teacher explicitly allows them for a specific educational purpose, like using translation apps to support ESL learners or accessing content during lunch outside the school building. And here’s the surprising part, they were totally okay with that.
In fact, many students pointed out that most of the things they use their phones for in an academic context such as research, note-taking, accessing school platforms, can just as easily be done on a laptop, which is already permitted and regularly used in their classrooms.
The consistent message we heard? It’s not about the device; it’s about the purpose. Students weren’t pushing for unrestricted phone use in schools, instead they were advocating for purposeful technology integration. If a phone genuinely enhances the learning experience, they’re all for it. However, if it doesn’t serve a clear educational role, they’re more than willing to keep it out of the classroom, something they were very clear about.
2. Yes, They’re Using VPNs (And They Know Most Parents And Caregivers Don’t Know What That Means)
During our conversations with these students, many openly acknowledged that they regularly use Virtual Private Networks (VPNs) to bypass school internet filters and restrictions. VPNs allow them to hide their online activity and access content that schools are trying to block. What stood out wasn’t just that they were doing it, but how easily and confidently they navigated around these digital roadblocks. They knew exactly what a VPN was, how to install one, and how to conceal their tracks.
We believe this isn’t just about rebellious behaviour or rule-breaking. Rather, it’s a signal to adults that simply putting up barriers is not enough. Today’s teens are growing up in a world where technology is second nature. Many of them are far more digitally fluent than the adults trying to supervise them. If a restriction feels arbitrary or unexplained, it becomes a challenge to beat, not a rule to follow. This emphasized to us why education must be prioritized alongside protection. When young people aren’t given context or included in the reasoning behind digital rules, they’re more likely to ignore them.
Again, Instead of framing this behaviour as defiance, we encourage parents, caregivers, and educators to view it as an opportunity for a deeper conversation. Why are certain sites blocked at school or home? What are the real risks involved?
When youth are part of the dialogue, not just passive recipients of rules, they’re more likely to respect boundaries and understand the value behind them. Simply put, restrictions without understanding create loopholes. Education and open discussion close them, something that this group of teens agreed with.
3. Their Top 3 Platforms
When asked about their go-to social media platforms, students consistently named Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat as their top three. These apps dominate their daily digital routines, used not just for entertainment, but also for social connection, self-expression, and staying up-to-date with peers and trends.
Interestingly, YouTube, while still used, has taken more of a backseat for this age group. According to them, it’s now more popular among younger students or for passive content consumption rather than real-time interaction or content creation.
When it comes to messaging, WhatsApp stands out as the clear favourite. Its appeal lies in its versatility, allowing seamless communication across both iPhone and Android devices, which the students emphasized as essential. Many also mentioned its value for keeping in touch with friends and family across borders, highlighting its importance in maintaining relationships that stretch beyond local networks.
The key takeaway? Today’s teens prioritize platforms that offer immediacy, creativity, and cross-platform compatibility. Their choices are driven less by trends and more by how effectively the tools fit into their social and communicative needs.
4. What Parents Get Wrong: “We’re Not Just Mindlessly Scrolling Zombies”
A major theme heard throughout our interview with this group of students was that parents, caregivers, and educators often assume teens are just wasting time online. The students pushed back hard with one stating:
“We use tech as a tool, not just for brain rot,”
Another students stated:
“I actually use my phone less than my mom,”
Although some students may get caught up in doom scrolling on sites like TikTok, these students want you to know that much of their tech use is purposeful, whether it’s researching, communicating, creating, or relaxing intentionally. It’s not as aimless as many adults assume. However, one student stated they did doom scrolled TikTok recently, only because they were sick and stuck in bed for two days.
5. Teach Us, Don’t Just Ban Us
One of the most consistent and powerful messages we heard from these students was, “Don’t just say no, show us how.” Across the board, the teens expressed frustration with blanket bans on technology that come with little explanation or guidance. Instead of being shut out, they want to be let in to conversations, to education, and to understanding the “why” behind the rules.
One student put it perfectly by stating, “different age groups need different levels of access and supervision.” They recognized that what might be appropriate for a high schooler, could be completely unsuitable for a child in elementary school. They weren’t asking for unlimited freedom, they were asking for age-appropriate access, digital literacy, mentorship, and trust.
Their message was clear and grounded in experience that being when adults prohibit something without context, it only heightens their curiosity and desire to explore it on their own, often in secret and without support. What we took away from their message was that bans may delay access, but they don’t build the skills needed for safe, ethical, and informed use. In fact, restrictions without guidance can create more risk, not less, something that was echoed by this group of students.
Teens are telling us they don’t want to be left to figure it out on their own. They’re asking for leadership, not lockdowns. If we want young people to navigate the onlife world in a safer way, we must meet them where they are, involve them in the conversation, and guide them toward understanding, not just blind obedience because we adults said so. When adults lead with trust, empathy, and education, we raise not just informed kids, but capable ones.
6. They’re Starting to Actually Managing Their Time—Yes, Really
A new development that came to light for us, contrary to the common narrative that teens are hopelessly glued to their screens, these teens shared with us how they, and many of their peers (yes not all), are now actively taking steps to manage their digital habits. Some stated they are using built-in app timers or screen time tracking features. Others are setting personal boundaries by consciously choosing to prioritize school, sports, part-time jobs, or just a good night’s sleep. One teen even described a technique they use where they ask themselves, “What could I be doing instead?”, a powerful example of self-awareness and digital maturity in our opinion. This is what psychologists often refer to as creating a “pattern interruption” or an “anchor”, a deliberate thought or offline activity that disrupts a habit, and helps to re-establish balance.
These habits may not be loud or visible to the adults in their lives, but they’re real, and clearly they’re being used by some. Teens today are not passively drowning in screen time, rather these teens were actively learning how to swim in it. Of course, they’re still learning and still making mistakes, that’s part of being a teen. But in a world where the digital is ubiquitous and always on, we need to recognize and support the moments when they choose to turn it off or step back.
Rather than assuming all screen time is mindless or harmful, we should look closer and ask, “What are they doing with that time? Are they creating? Connecting? Resting? Are they developing the internal tools to manage it?” The answer appears to be yes, at least for this group of teens. Let’s make sure we’re encouraging that growth with all teens, not undermining it with assumptions.
7. ChatGPT: The New Google
Every single student in our discussion group reported using ChatGPT, but not in the way many adults might assume. They’re not relying on it to cut corners or plagiarize, although they admitted to knowing students who have. Instead, they described it as an indispensable educational companion that they are using instead of Google, but way more efficient without all the adds.
They called it a “time saver,” a “learning enhancer,” and a “study tool that actually speaks our language.” For them, ChatGPT isn’t replacing their effort, it’s helping them focus it. Whether it’s generating practice questions for a test, explaining math problems in simpler terms, suggesting ways to improve a piece of writing, or clarifying confusing concepts from class, students say it’s filling gaps that traditional instruction sometimes leaves behind. As one teen stated to us:
“It’s like having a tutor who’s always available and explains things in a way that finally clicks.”
Another student stated:
“When it comes to math, its like your own personal tutor you can ask it to explain a specific concept in several ways and you can pick one that makes sense to you.”
What was especially striking wasn’t just how they’re using the tool, it’s how thoughtfully they’re using it. These teens were well aware of the potential for misinformation and AI “hallucinations.” Many of them emphasized the importance of fact-checking responses and using ChatGPT as a starting point for learning, not an endpoint.
This shows a critical shift, students are not blindly trusting AI, they’re starting to critically engaging with it. They’re learning how to ask better questions, evaluate information, and supplement their school learning with real-time, tailored support.
Rather than fearing this evolution, educators and parents might consider embracing it. Because when students are using AI not to bypass learning, but to deepen it, that’s not a threat to education, it’s an opportunity to rethink how we support modern learners..
8. Privacy? They Understand the Trade-Offs
One of the most surprising and thought-provoking insights from our conversation with this diverse group of teens came when we asked about online privacy. For many adults, privacy concerns are at the forefront of every digital safety conversation, and understandably so. The idea that our personal data could be harvested, sold, or misused is deeply unsettling for those who didn’t grow up immersed in today’s onlife world. But what we heard from these teens revealed a noticeable generational shift in how privacy is understood and valued.
Rather than rejecting the importance of privacy, these teens seem to have reframed it. They’re not naive or unaware of the risks, in fact, many said they’ve learned from the privacy missteps of older generations and now navigate the digital landscape with a sharper awareness. They understand the transactional nature of the internet and that “free” services are often paid for with personal data, and that using platforms comes with trade-offs. Yet instead of resisting this reality, they accept it, not out of apathy, but from a sense of control and informed consent. As one teens stated to us:
“We know what we’re giving them. If you post private info, expect them and others to use it.”
This wasn’t a group of teens blindly sharing personal information, on the contrary, they spoke about being hyper-aware of what they post, knowing how content can be saved, shared, sold, and potentially used against them. Most said they wouldn’t post anything online that they wouldn’t be comfortable being public. Some even mentioned that those who get into trouble online are often the same individuals who are already vulnerable offline, highlighting how digital risks are often extensions of existing social and emotional challenges.
What struck us most, their approach to privacy didn’t come from fear or paranoia but rather from practicality. They don’t see themselves as powerless victims of big tech. Instead, they’ve grown up knowing the rules of engagement and have adjusted their behaviours accordingly. This pragmatic mindset may explain why they aren’t interested in paying for privacy-protective platforms, they already feel in control of how their information is used.
This was a powerful light bulb moment for us. These teens aren’t dismissing privacy concerns they’re evolving in how they manage them. And for parents, caregivers, and educators this should be an invitation to rethink how we approach conversations about online safety. Rather than lecturing from a place of fear, we can shift toward dialogue, one that acknowledges that our kids may already have strategies in place and are looking for partnership, not policing, in navigating their digital lives.
9. Mental Health and Social Media
Contrary to the widespread narrative that social media is fuelling a mental health crisis among teens, the students we spoke with painted a far more balanced picture, one that challenges many adult assumptions. The majority of these teens told us that, on the whole, social media has had a positive impact on their mental health, not a negative one.
They acknowledged, without hesitation, that there are real risks, like the pressure to measure up to the seemingly perfect lives projected by influencers and peers. “We get that people only post the highlights,” one teen explained. “We know that doesn’t reflect reality.” But instead of falling into a trap of constant comparison, many said they’ve developed the media literacy skills to filter out the noise and focus on what brings them value.
In fact, several teens said they find social media motivating. They love seeing people their age create music, art, short films, or educational content. Rather than feeling intimidated, they feel inspired. Platforms like TikTok and Instagram are not just places to consume content, to this cohort of teens and their peers, they’re places to explore creativity, stay informed, and feel connected to others who share their interests or experiences.
What stood out most was how emotionally self-aware and reflective this group was. They weren’t dismissing the mental health conversation, nor were they pretending that social media is without its flaws. They spoke openly about boundaries, self-esteem, social comparison, and the importance of recognizing when a break from the screen is needed. But they also rejected the notion that social media is inherently harmful.
To us, it was clear that these teens are not overwhelmed by the risks, they’re actively managing them. They’re developing healthier relationships with their technology, seeing it as a tool for connection, creativity, and growth rather than just a source of anxiety. This doesn’t mean parents, caregivers, and educators should stop paying attention to how social media affects young people. But it does mean we should listen more closely to what teens themselves are saying, because the story they’re telling is more complex, more hopeful, and much more grounded than the alarmist headlines would have us believe, and that some adults are pushing.
10. What They Wish Parents, Caregivers, and Schools Would Teach
If there was another message that came through loud and clear from every student we spoke with in this group, schools are falling short when it comes to teaching real-world digital literacy, especially how to research effectively and fact-check information online.
In a time where misinformation spreads faster than truth and social media combined with artificial intelligence can distort reality, these teens aren’t asking for coding bootcamps or video editing classes. What they want most is to be taught how to think critically about what they see, read, and hear online. They’re acutely aware that not everything on the internet is trustworthy, and they want the skills to separate fact from fiction.
As one student put it, “We need to know how to check if something is real before we share it or believe it.” They aren’t naive about the risks of misinformation and disinformation, from conspiracy theories and AI-generated misinformation to algorithmic echo chambers, however, they’re actively seeking guidance on how to navigate those challenges.
Many said they’ve learned basic research skills, like how to use academic databases, but almost none have been taught how to evaluate the credibility of a viral video, reverse image search a fake post, or determine if a source has political bias. These are the tools they need now, and they’re frustrated that school curriculums haven’t caught up, so they are attempting to teach themselves these skills through trial and error.
This group understood that digital literacy is no longer optional, it’s essential. They want to be empowered to verify information, challenge assumptions, and make informed choices in an onlife world that is constantly shifting. And they’re asking parents, educators, and schools to help them develop those tools, not just police their screen time.
For parents, caregivers, an educators, this is an opportunity not just to advocate for better education in schools, but to engage at home. Ask your teens what they’re seeing online. Talk about where they get their information. Explore how to verify a claim together. In doing so, we help raise not just digitally literate kids, but responsible, critical-thinking youth and teens.
11. A Real Criticism? Adult Hypocrisy
One of the most consistent, and candid, things we heard from these students was about the double standard they experience when it comes to technology use. Simply put, they believe adults, especially parents, aren’t practicing what they preach.
Time and time again, we heard variations of the same frustration:
“My mom is on her phone more than I am.”
“My dad tells me to get off TikTok, but then spends hours scrolling through Facebook.”
“How can they lecture us about screen time when they’re glued to their devices too?”
For these teens, it’s not about rejecting parental guidance, it’s about asking for fairness, mutual accountability, and respect. They don’t want to be criticized by adults who haven’t taken the time to reflect on their own habits or understand the digital spaces young people now inhabit. In fact, several students said they’d be far more open to discussions about healthy tech use if those conversations felt less judgmental and more collaborative.
It was clear to us that this group of teens was not suggesting that parents or caregivers should be perfect, but they are asking for a little humility, an acknowledgement that adults, too, struggle with screen balance and digital distraction. They want adults to stop leading with fear and criticism, and instead start leading by example.
What these teens were really calling for is partnership. They want adults to engage with them, learn alongside them, and guide rather than control. As one student put it, “Don’t just tell us what not to do. Show us how to do it better and be willing to learn with us.”
The message was clear, if we want young people to build healthier relationships with technology, we as adults must first examine our own.
12. What They Want Parents to Know
If these students could leave one message for parents, caregivers, and educators, about their technology and social media use it was this, “It’s not as bad as you think.”
They understand that adults often approach technology with caution or even fear, especially when it comes to social media, screen usage, and online safety. But from their perspective, the story is far more nuanced. They’re not mindlessly glued to their screens or lost in a digital void. In fact, it was clear to us that most of them are using technology with intention, creativity, and awareness. Some of their messages that they wanted us to share with the parents and caregivers reading this article about their use of technology included:
“We’re mostly using it for good.”
“Talk with us. Participate with us.”
“Don’t use tech as a digital babysitter for little kids.”
“And please—don’t use it to escape your own reality.”
They see the contradictions. They notice when adults warn about “screen addiction” while scrolling endlessly themselves. They also expressed their worry about younger kids being handed devices by parents and caregivers without guidance.
But here’s the hopeful part, these teens want adults involved. They want mentorship, not micromanagement. They want conversations, not lectures. They want partnership, not punishment. They’re not asking adults to have all the answers, they’re asking them to show up, stay curious, and walk alongside them.
The meeting with this group of teens confirmed to us that most in this generation are more responsible than they’re often given credit for. They’re capable of critical thinking, setting boundaries, recognizing risks, and using technology as a tool rather than a crutch. They’re also open to learning more, especially when it comes from someone who’s willing to learn too.
So instead of fearing the onlife world your child lives in, or trying to control it from the outside, step into it with them. Ask questions. Share your experiences. Listen more than you lecture. Be present. And most importantly, model the balance and values you hope they’ll adopt.
Because when we stop fighting the future and start engaging with it, we can raise a generation that uses technology with wisdom, purpose, and heart thus creating onlife resiliency.
Our conversation with these nine teens from around the world offered a compelling reminder that today’s youth are not passive participants in today’s onlife world, they are active, intentional, and often far more self-aware than they’re given credit for. From their nuanced understanding of privacy to their responsible use of AI, the beginning signs that they are now using time management strategies, and calls for guidance over restriction, these students are asking parents, caregivers, and educators not for tighter controls, but for smarter conversations. They don’t need fear-based messaging or blanket bans. They need adults who are curious, collaborative, and willing to step into their world not as critics, but as co-learners.
The takeaway is clear to us, if we truly want to support young people in their onlife world, we must begin by truly listening to them. Not listening to respond, but listening to understand, there is a big difference. When we do, we find not a generation in crisis, but one full of potential, insight, and a readiness to lead if we’re prepared to walk alongside them.
It’s not about banning or blaming, it’s about building bridges. Youth and teens aren’t just consumers of technology, they’re creators, learners, and explorers. Invite them into a conversation about how tech is used, not just whether it’s allowed.
As one student stated at the end of our conversations, “we need more adults like you who are willing to engage with us, rather than just telling us” They’re ready for that dialogue. Are you?
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
