When it comes to introducing children to technology, many parents are caught between what they believe to be the emotional, psychological, physical, and social concerns of too much screen use, and the undeniable necessity of needing tech skills in today’s onlife world where technology has become ubiquitous. A growing call by some – “Delay is the way” – an approach where access to technology such as cellphones, tablets, computers, gaming consoles, and the internet is postponed as long as possible in the hopes of protecting kids from potential online risks – a strategy that we believe to be a Nirvana Fallacy approach to technology harm reduction.
While this instinct does come from an understandable place of wanting to shield children from harm, it may not be the best strategy in preparing them for their digital future. Instead of delaying technology, what if we instead focused on redirecting their online and tech experiences and helped them to “pave the way” towards responsible, meaningful, incremental, and age-appropriate use of technology? However, this takes time and effort on the part of the parent or caregiver.
The “delay is the way” approach essentially promotes withholding access to smartphones, the internet, social media, or gaming until children are older. While delaying access to certain platforms or devices can be effective in some situations and for some youth, relying solely on delay for all youth overlooks an important fact – technology isn’t going anywhere! Rather than avoiding the issue, we believe that parents and caregivers are better served by preparing their children early for the inevitable and equipping them with the knowledge of digital literacy and age-appropriate tools they need to navigate the onlife world in a safer and more responsible way – both inside and outside the home.
Delaying technology can also leave children vulnerable. Without prior guidance and experience, children may dive into the digital landscape without the critical thinking skills needed to assess risks or make responsible choices as they get older. It’s like throwing them into the deep end of a pool without teaching them how to incrementally swim first. (1) This can lead to potentially harmful encounters, whether it’s interacting with inappropriate online toxic content in all its forms, falling for scams, or inevitably experiencing social pressure from peers outside the home to engage with the technology they possess and that your child does not – something we see here at the White Hatter all the time.
A frequent argument from proponents of the “delay is the way” approach is, “What harm can come from delaying a teen’s use of technology, social media, and the internet—there’s no downside.” As a rebbutal to this argument, sociologist Dr. Mike Males, an expert in this field of study and research, explains:
“How would banning social media harm teens? For two examples, the CDC’s massive 2021 survey numbers show that compared to teens who rarely use screens (less than 1 hour a day), teens who frequently use screens (5+ hours per day) report less self harm, fewer suicide attempts, more sleep, less hard-drug use, less violence, lesser increases in drinking and drug use, and smaller overall risks. Moderate screen users (2-4 hours a day) generally fare as well or better.(2) The 2023 CDC survey, to be released in the fall, will refine these questions.
Pew Research’s 2022 survey found that while 9% of teens say social media is harmful for them, 58% said that social media helps them feel “more accepted,” 67% said it connects them to “people who can help them get through tough times,” and 80% said it keeps them up with “what’s going on in their friends’ lives”.(3)
The “Redirect and pave the way” approach that we promote encourages parents to be proactive about their child’s technology use by guiding their experiences from the beginning, rather than delaying access. Instead of trying to keep children away from tech for as long as possible, our approach suggests that parents and caregivers introduce digital literacy and age-appropriate technology with intention and purpose, teaching children to use it responsibly and safely.
What does the “redirect and pave the way” approach look like:
Set Boundaries Early
Redirecting doesn’t mean handing over unrestricted access to all technology. It means setting clear, reasonable boundaries for the where, when, how, why and what children can use when it comes to technology. These boundaries should be flexible and evolve as children grow, but they also serve as a foundation for responsible tech use. Start with small doses of screen use, focusing on educational or creative apps, and expand as your child demonstrates digital maturity and responsibility – this will differ from child to child.
Guide Their Digital Exploration
Introduce your child to age-appropriate technology with you acting as the parental digital sheepdog. Show them how to use tech and the internet for learning, creativity, and connection rather than just entertainment. By exploring together, you’re able to model healthy habits and help them discover the positive potential of technology – but more importantly, how to handle it when they inevitably encounter inappropriate content online. Discuss potential pitfalls, such as misinformation and cyberbullying, online grooming, and talk openly about how to handle these situations. Here at the White Hatter, we offer a ton of free resources to help parents in this endeavor.
Teach Digital Literacy
Instead of just delaying, redirect and pave the way by teaching your child the skills needed to navigate the onlife world. This includes recognizing credible sources, understanding privacy settings, protecting personal information, and developing empathy in online interactions. Digital literacy isn’t just about knowing how to use technology but about understanding how to use it wisely which builds resiliency.
Focus on Purpose, Not Just Time
Rather than focusing solely on their screen use, shift the conversation to what your child is doing online. Are they using technology to learn new skills, create something, or connect with friends and family? Or is it passive consumption – what we like to call digital bubble-gumming? Help your child identify the purpose behind their screen use and encourage activities that add value, whether it’s learning a new language, practicing coding, or working on creative projects. It’s not about how much time they are spending online, it’s about what are they doing with that time that should be the real question.
Encourage Open Communication
Children need to feel comfortable talking to their parents about what they’re experiencing online. Regular check-ins and conversations about what apps they’re using, who they’re talking to, and what they’re seeing help parents stay in the loop. We love the concept of having a digital dinner once a week – where their child’s use of technology becomes the focus of family discussion. This openness helps children feel supported rather than judged, and they’re more likely to turn to you when they encounter something that makes them uncomfortable.
Redirecting and paving the way empowers children with the tools they need to become confident, informed, and responsible participants in today’s onlife world. By introducing technology with guidance and intention (digital literacy), children learn to view it as a tool rather than a toy. They understand the potential benefits as well as the risks, and they are more likely to develop balanced healthy habits that will last as they mature into adulthood.
This approach also fosters trust between parents and children. Instead of technology becoming a forbidden fruit that kids want to sneak or engage with outside the home, again something that youth have shared with us here at the White Hatter, it becomes a shared responsibility that parents and children can navigate together. This not only builds digital literacy but also reinforces strong communication and trust in the parent/child relationship.
Technology is here to stay, and avoiding it altogether isn’t realistic. Rather than adopting a “Delay is the way” approach to technology, parents should consider a balanced “Redirect and pave the way” approach. By introducing age-appropriate technology in a thoughtful, guided way, parents can help their children build the digital literacy skills and resiliency they will need as they mature, while also creating a safer and healthier relationship with technology. Instead of a “delay is the way” approach to the onlife world, let’s teach our kids to master it responsibly. It’s not about “NO” tech, it’s all about “KNOW” Tech in a balance and age-appropriate way.
New hashtag – #Redirectandpavetheway
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References:
1/ https://jocelynbrewer.com/phone-bans-and-pool-fences-an-analogy/
