Caveat – this posting was spawned by a great article titled, “Andrew Tate’s appeal to young men has nothing to do with toxic masculinity” (1) We must admit that we have used the term “toxic masculinity” in the past, however, we have now learned that such a term may not be the most desirable in our fight against misogynistic ideologies when it comes to educating teen boys.
We posted an article on January 2nd 2025 titled, “Two Key Online Concerns for Youth in 2025”, where we identified that the growing influence of the “manosphere” on teens is one of two real concerns that we as parents and educators need to be alive to in 2025. (2)
In recent years, the term “toxic masculinity” has entered the mainstream as a way to describe harmful behaviours and societal pressures tied to traditional male roles. While well-intentioned, this phrase has also sparked resistance, particularly among young men and teen boys, and has been co-opted by online communities in the manosphere to stoke anger and division. (3) As researchers Steven Roberts and Stephanie Wescott stated in their article, “Andrew Tate’s appeal to young men has nothing to do with toxic masculinity” (1)
“By manipulatively framing the phrase “toxic masculinity” as an attack on men rather than a critique of harmful practices, figures like Tate exploit genuine feelings of alienation and defensiveness”
For parents and teachers aiming to foster healthy conversations about masculinity, it’s time to reconsider how we frame these discussions.
The three challenges we have identified with using the phrase “Toxic Masculinity”:
1/ Negative Connotations Are Alienating
For many teen boys, hearing the term “toxic masculinity” feels like an attack on their identity. Masculinity, for better or worse, is often tied to their sense of self. Labeling aspects of it as “toxic” can feel like an indictment of who they are, leading to defensiveness rather than introspection.
2/ The Term Toxic Masculinity Has Been Co-opted by the Manosphere
Online communities in the manosphere, spaces where anti-feminist and misogynistic ideologies thrive, have weaponized the term. They claim it as evidence that society unfairly vilifies men and boys. This misrepresentation makes it harder to engage young men in constructive conversations, as they may feel the need to align with these communities to defend themselves.
Here’s how the manosphere has co-opted the phrase “toxic masculinity”:
- Framing It as an Attack on Men
Manosphere influencers often present the term toxic masculinity as a blanket condemnation of all men, not just certain harmful behaviours. By misrepresenting the term this way, they fuel the idea that society views masculinity as inherently bad or oppressive.
Example: Influencers claim that the term vilifies traditional male traits like strength, assertiveness, or leadership, framing it as part of a broader feminist agenda to undermine men.
- Amplifying the Victim Narrative
The manosphere has weaponized the term to bolster a victimhood narrative, where men are portrayed as unfairly targeted and oppressed in modern culture. They argue that discussing “toxic masculinity” adds to a cultural environment that shames men for simply being masculine.
Impact: This rhetoric appeals to boys and men who feel alienated, disenfranchised, or misunderstood, pulling them deeper into manosphere ideologies.
- Creating Polarization
By labeling critics of the manosphere as proponents of the term toxic masculinity, these communities foster an “us vs. them” mentality. They depict feminists, educators, and parents who use the term as adversaries waging a cultural war against men.
Example: Social media posts and memes mock or attack individuals discussing toxic masculinity, portraying them as radicals or hypocrites.
- Reinterpreting Masculine Traits as Positive
In response to conversations about toxic masculinity, the manosphere often rebrands traits associated with the term, like dominance, aggression, or emotional stoicism, as virtues rather than problems. They argue that these traits are essential for male success and survival.
Impact: This reframing encourages boys and men to double down on rigid gender roles instead of exploring healthier alternatives.
- Leveraging Social Media Algorithms
Manosphere creators use the term toxic masculinity as a hashtag or keyword to reach a broader audience. By creating viral content criticizing or mocking discussions of toxic masculinity, they exploit social media algorithms to amplify their message and recruit new members.
- Conflating Feminism with Misandry
The manosphere frequently equates feminist critiques of harmful male behaviours with outright hatred of men. Discussions of toxic masculinity are often cited as “proof” that feminism is anti-male, further polarizing the conversation.
3/ The Term Toxic Masculinity Over-Simplifies Complex Issues
The term “toxic masculinity” risks oversimplifying the nuanced ways societal pressures influence teen boy’s behaviour. While it highlights harmful aspects of traditional gender norms, it often fails to provide the language to explore healthier alternatives. The manosphere simplifies the nuanced conversations around toxic masculinity into bite-sized, emotionally charged arguments. This makes it easier to dismiss the term altogether and galvanize support from audiences unwilling to engage with the deeper meaning.
To encourage meaningful discussions with teen boys, it’s essential to shift from judgmental language to one that emphasizes understanding, growth, and empowerment – we now like the phrase “healthy gender expectations.”
Instead of focusing on what’s “toxic,” emphasize what’s positive. Healthy gender expectations celebrates traits like courage, empathy, accountability, and the ability to express emotions. When boys see a constructive path forward, they are more likely to engage.
For example, when speaking with teen boys on this issue, instead of saying, “We need to address toxic masculinity,” try:
- “Let’s talk about how we can define what it means to be a good person.”, or
- “How do you think you can balance strength with kindness?”
Help teen boys understand that societal expectations often create unfair pressures, like the need to always appear tough or suppress emotions. Frame it as a shared challenge:
- “Isn’t it exhausting when people expect you to never cry or show vulnerability?”, or
- “What are some ways we can challenge those stereotypes together?”
Encourage boys to think critically about their actions without making them feel personally attacked. Discuss the real-world impact of harmful behaviours and how they can actively contribute to positive change.
- “When someone uses their strength to protect others rather than hurt them, how does that affect the people around them?”
- “What can we do as a group to make sure everyone feels safe and respected?
Highlight male role models who embody qualities of healthy masculinity. Whether it’s an athlete, artist, or family member, real-world examples make abstract concepts more relatable.
Teen boys are at a pivotal stage of identity formation. The way we talk about masculinity can either empower them to grow into compassionate, thoughtful young men or push them toward resentment and resistance. Words matter, and by choosing language that fosters connection rather than division we can create a safe space for teen boys to question harmful norms and embrace healthier alternatives.
Parents, caregivers, and teachers hold incredible power to shape the narrative around masculinity. By shifting away from terms like “toxic masculinity” and adopting language such as “healthy gender expectations”, that emphasizes growth and possibility, we can build stronger, more meaningful connections with teen boys. The goal is not to police their identity but to guide them toward becoming the best versions of themselves – teen boys who are strong, kind, empathetic, and capable of making the world a better place.
Let’s revisit the way we speak about masculinity, not just for the teen boys of today but for the young men they will become tomorrow.
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