Caveat – As a result of what happened in the US elections, we have seen a spike in misogynistic language being used online by teen boys over the past week. In fact, the “Institute For Strategic Dialogue” has seen 4,600% increase in misogynist language directed at women after the US election ended (1) However, this is something that we have seen and heard about here at the White Hatter for several years now, and something that parents and caregivers should be aware of. It should also be noted that this is not just a North American challenge, it is international in scope. This article from Australia inspired the creation of this posting (2)
We here at the White Hatter have seen an anecdotal rise of gendered misconduct and the objectification of young women, both online and in school environments, that have created an increasingly toxic culture, one that can sometimes negatively impact the lives, mental health, and sense of safety of some girls. This article seeks to equip parents, caregivers, and educators with a deeper understanding of these troubling behaviors that we have witnessed, how they appear in today’s digital and social landscapes, and actionable steps we can take collectively to foster respect and accountability in our teens.
In recent years, we have heard from both educators and teen girls of an alarming increase in the level and frequency of disrespect directed toward girls by certain boys in school settings including school athletics. As an example, social media platforms, particularly Instagram and TikTok, have become spaces where some boys publicly rate their female classmates, often using language that ranges from objectifying to explicitly disturbing. Terms like “wifey,” “one-night stand,” “abduction material,” and even “unrapeable” are used to label girls, trivializing the serious issue of sexual violence and creating an environment where disrespect is normalized. (3)
Another example of how social media has become a platform for spreading a misogynistic message since the U.S. election – the phrase “your body, my choice” being pushed on platforms such as X and TikTok. As noted in the cautionary Australian article mentioned in the caveat (2):
“These statements align with the comments posted by prominent far-right leader and activist Nick Fuentes, who posted on X ‘Your body, my choice. Forever’. This vile sentiment very quickly became a viral meme, across all the major social media sites. It was even printed on T-shirts and readied for purchase.”
Some social media influencers who have a large following among teenage boys, promote a brand of hyper-toxic masculinity that often objectifies women – sometimes known collectively as the “manosphere.” (4) These influencers reinforce harmful stereotypes and encourage disrespectful behavior toward women and girls, normalizing a perspective that sees girls as “less than” or as objects to be rated and used. Such toxic influencers may openly talk about their disregard for women or teach their young audiences to see relationships as games of control, all under the guise of “male” empowerment or self-confidence. (5) Teen boys who idolize these figures often mimic these attitudes unknowingly, and sometimes knowingly, perpetuating misogynistic beliefs and actions.
Another avenue of misogynistic concern – teen boys sports teams can sometimes also foster misogynistic beliefs through locker-room culture, competitive pressure, and certain outdated coaching practices. In locker rooms, boys may engage in hyper-masculine conversations or “locker room talk” that demeans girls and women, creating an environment where objectifying language becomes normalized. (6)(7) When there are no consequences for misogynistic comments or behavior, boys may view these actions as acceptable or even admirable. Addressing this issue requires coaches, parents, educators, and sports organizations to promote inclusive values, encourage respect, and provide positive role models who challenge harmful stereotypes and emphasize empathy and mutual respect for all.
When confronted about such misogynistic behaviour, many boys insist that these behaviors are “jokes” and that they don’t see themselves as “bad guys.” They often claim they were simply “goofing around” and didn’t intend any harm. But this dismissive attitude reflects a broader societal issue where boys, and sometimes even young men, fail to recognize the real impact of their actions. Misogynistic behaviors are trivialized, normalized, and even celebrated, leaving the mental health, self-esteem, and safety of girls to suffer.
Compounding this concern – some parents and caregivers who are informed about their son’s behavior often try to downplay the seriousness of the situation, saying it’s just “boys being boys.” However, by excusing such behavior, parents may inadvertently encourage a lack of accountability, which only emboldens their sons to repeat or escalate their actions.
The impact of this type of online and offline misogynistic behaviour directed at girls can be severe and lasting. Many young women experience anxiety, diminished self-esteem, and even dread about going to school or being active on social media. One teen we worked with shared that she deleted her Instagram account after several male classmates started leaving derogatory comments on her posts, rating her looks in a way that made her feel powerless and unsafe. The girl noted that even walking down the school hallways had become an ordeal, as she worried about how her male peers viewed her.
When objectification and disrespect become normalized, girls are forced to navigate an environment that fosters feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness, eroding their confidence and their ability to engage fully in their education and social lives.
Parents, especially of boys, play a vital role in reversing these troubling trends. Here are some critical actions and steps parents can take that we recommend to help counter this trending narrative:
- Speak openly with your sons about the importance of treating others, particularly women and girls, with respect and dignity. Help them understand that everyone deserves to feel safe and valued, both online and offline. Use concrete examples from recent events or stories to illustrate how “jokes” can have real consequences on people’s lives.
- Encourage your sons to think about the impact of their actions. Ask them to put themselves in the shoes of a girl who is objectified or rated publicly. Discuss the feelings of embarrassment, fear, and shame such behaviors can evoke. Boys need to understand that actions have consequences, and fostering empathy is one way to deter harmful behavior.
- While it’s unrealistic to monitor everything, setting boundaries around technology can provide a helpful framework. Encourage your children to think critically about the apps and content they engage with. If they follow influencers who promote disrespect toward women, have a conversation about why this content is problematic and how it shapes their views.
- Children learn by observing. Make it a priority to model respectful interactions in your own relationships and conversations. This is particularly important when discussing issues of consent, autonomy, and empathy with your children. Seeing parents treat others respectfully reinforces these values.
- Resist the urge to shield your children from consequences especially the issues discussed in this article. Mistakes are part of learning, but taking responsibility for harmful actions is crucial. If your child is involved in inappropriate misogynistic behavior, work with them to understand why it was wrong and ensure they take steps to make amends.
- Schools need parental support to address these complex issues effectively. Engage in constructive conversations with teachers and administrators to establish a collaborative approach to promoting respect and addressing misconduct. Advocate for school policies that create safe environments for all students, including policies on cyberbullying and social media misuse.
We also need to empower and teach teen girls how to cope with concerns around gendered misconduct and objectification, it’s essential to focus on both proactive and reactive strategies that can empower them while fostering resilience. Here are some approaches we suggest:
- Encourage teen girls to set personal boundaries, understand informed consent, and practice self-affirmation. Teach them that their worth is intrinsic and not defined by the opinions or labels others might place on them.
- Equip them with digital literacy skills so they can analyze and critically assess the influencers, media, and societal messages they encounter. Helping them recognize harmful stereotypes and sexist messaging enables them to build a strong personal identity that’s resistant to external pressures.
- Encourage girls to reach out to trusted adults, teachers, counselors, or supportive friends if they experience harassment or feel unsafe. Reinforce that seeking help is a strength and that they don’t have to face these challenges alone.
- Teach girls to curate their social media feeds, unfollow negative influences, and avoid engaging with people or content that promote misogyny. Additionally, encourage them to use privacy settings to limit interactions with those who may not respect them.
- Help them understand that while they cannot control others’ behavior, they can learn to respond in ways that protect their emotional well-being. Teaching empathy helps them understand they’re not alone in their experiences and can be part of a supportive community of peers.
- Encourage girls to advocate for themselves and others by speaking up about inappropriate behavior when they feel safe doing so.
- Connecting girls with mentors or role models who model self-respect and resilience can inspire them to navigate these challenges with dignity. Seeing strong women who handle similar issues reinforces positive behavior and resilience.
- Open discussions with family members about gender respect, the impact of words, and mutual respect can strengthen a girl’s support network. It’s also a way for families to commit to values of respect, empathy, and personal responsibility.
- Engage with school programs and encourage participation in initiatives that foster respect and inclusivity. If schools have workshops or clubs that focus on empowerment and respect, these can be invaluable spaces for girls to find solidarity and support.
The aim is to create an environment, both at home and in school, that empowers girls and helps them navigate the toxic cultures they may face. This multi-faceted approach can equip them to face these issues with resilience, self-respect, and a supportive community behind them.
Creating a safer, respectful environment for all students is essential, and it starts with challenging the online toxic culture of entitlement and objectification that too often goes unchecked. This isn’t an easy task, especially when very influential world leaders, and social media manosphere influencers, are awarded for such misogynistic behaviour, but parents, educators, coaches, and communities play a powerful role in making meaningful change. By actively promoting consent, empathy, accountability, and respect, particularly among young men, we can address harmful behaviors that compromise girl’s mental health and safety. This shift will take time, but it’s possible. With ongoing support and advocacy, we can build a school environment, and a society, where every student feels valued and secure, free to pursue their education and personal growth without fear.
Together, we can cultivate a culture where respect and empathy are the norms, not exceptions. Encouraging boys to recognize the impact of their actions and the importance of consent and kindness helps create lasting change. When families, schools, sport teams, and communities come together to address these issues, it becomes possible to shift attitudes and reduce the behaviors that harm girls and undermine their well-being.
As we confront the challenges of social media and toxic influencers, it’s crucial to remember that each conversation and each instance of accountability contributes to a broader cultural transformation. By fostering these values early and consistently, we lay the groundwork for a future where both boys and girls grow up with a healthy understanding of consent, mutual respect, and personal responsibility. This collective effort will not only enhance the school experience for young women, but also set the stage for a more compassionate and equitable society for everyone.
As the Australian article that spawned this posting stated:
“It is crucial we increase all student’s critical digital literacy skills to understand the malign influence of the manosphere. With Australia heading into an election year in 2025, this need is more critical than ever.”
In Canada, we’re too are also approaching a federal election in 2025, making this especially relevant for us as well!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References:
2/ https://blog.aare.edu.au/what-schools-should-do-now-the-manosphere-thinks-its-back-in-charge/
4/ https://www.isdglobal.org/explainers/the-manosphere-explainer/
5/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/blog/the-contagion-effect-of-andrew-tate-on-youth-schools/
6/ https://www.tiktok.com/@alexday5/video/7299180999206915371
7/https://theconversation.com/showered-in-sexism-hockey-culture-needs-a-reckoning-186002
