Many parents and caregivers take pride in raising “good kids”- children who are polite, well-mannered, and seem to make responsible choices. However, “some” of these parents often assume their children are safe from online dangers, trusting that they “know better.” or because they don’t own a smartphone or computer. This mindset, described by U.S. lawyer Dorrian Horsey, who works with families whose children are survivors of online predation and exploitation (more specifically sextortion), is something that she calls “Arrogance of Disbelief”. This mindset can create a risky blind spot, leaving kids more exposed to online threats than parents might think!
Horsey’s theory of “Arrogance of Disbelief” refers to the mindset some parents adopt, believing their children are immune to risky online behavior simply because they are a “good” and “trustworthy” kid. This mindset assumes that a child’s positive traits, such as honesty, integrity, and responsibility, act as natural protection against the dangers of the onlife world. While trusting your child is important, this belief can actually prevent parents from recognizing and addressing real online threats – a form of “willful blindness”.
The truth is, good kids can still make poor choices, something Darren saw in his 30 years of policing time and time again, as well as in his role as a civilian digital literacy and internet safety educator having presented to over 640,000 youth. The internet is full of temptations, pressures, and hidden dangers that youth may not be fully equipped to handle, no matter how trustworthy they are in the other areas of their life.
Children often feel the need to fit in with their peers, which can drive them to engage in risky online behaviors, such as sharing inappropriate photos or participating in harmful social media challenges. On top of peer pressure, online predators are highly skilled at targeting children and manipulating their emotions. Even the most cautious kids can be vulnerable when someone makes them feel special or valued through a sophisticated online grooming process. Additionally, a youth’s natural curiosity, even with good intentions, can lead them into dangerous situations online – whether it’s visiting questionable websites, or downloading unauthorized apps, the potential risks are always present.
The Arrogance of Disbelief assumes a child is immune to these dangers that may inadvertently place their children at greater risk, and here’s why:
- Parents who believe their child “would never” make a poor choice online may not initiate important discussions about internet safety. They might not talk to their kids about sexting, cyberbullying, or the dangers of chatting with people they just met online, leaving children uninformed about how to handle these situations.
- While technology like parental control apps can be helpful, they are not foolproof. A child who hasn’t been educated about digital literacy, internet safety, and potential risks might still find ways around those controls or be exposed to threats in ways their parents didn’t foresee.
- Parents who believe their child is too “good” to get into trouble may miss or dismiss red flags that indicate something is wrong. Whether it’s excessive secrecy about online activities or changes in mood and behavior, these signs could be critical in recognizing that their child is in danger.
- Children who have been raised in an environment where they are expected to always “make good choices” may feel an intense amount of pressure. When they do encounter online problems, they might hide their mistakes out of fear of disappointing their parents, worsening the situation.
In today’s onlife world, it’s important for parents to recognize that every child, no matter how well-behaved or responsible, can still encounter risky situations online. Assuming that your child is immune to the dangers of the internet because they “know better”, or because their access to technology and social media is delayed, can lead to a false sense of security, leaving them more vulnerable than you might expect. The key to protecting your child online lies in acknowledging the potential risks and taking proactive steps to safeguard them. This approach involves more than just trust and/or abstinence from the use of technology until a certain age – it requires open communication, education, and active involvement.
It’s crucial to begin conversations with your children about digital literacy and online safety early and consistently. Many parents and caregivers assume that if everything appears normal or their child doesn’t have internet or technology access at home, there’s nothing to worry about. However, children may encounter online challenges outside the home that they’re too afraid or embarrassed to discuss, fearing an overreaction from parents or caregivers.
Let your child know that they can come to you with any problems they encounter on the internet without fear of punishment or judgment. Ask them about their online experiences regularly. Ask them how they’re feeling about what they see and do online, and what kinds of interactions they are having. By fostering this open dialogue, you build trust and ensure that your child feels comfortable coming to you when something goes wrong.
While trust is crucial in any parent-child relationship, digital literacy and internet safety education is equally important. Trusting your child’s instincts is valuable, but it’s not a substitute for giving them the knowledge they need to make safe choices online both inside and outside the home. Instead of assuming your child will automatically know what’s safe and what isn’t, actively educate them about specific risks they may face – like online predators, cyberbullying, or inappropriate content. Provide clear guidelines on what to do if they encounter anything suspicious and teach them the skills they need to protect themselves.
Engaging with your child’s digital life is another vital step in creating a safer online experience. Show an interest in the platforms they use, the games they play, and the social media they engage with. Understand the landscape they are navigating and ask questions to show you care. If your child feels like you understand their world, they will be more likely to approach you if they run into trouble. Don’t be afraid to sit down with them, ask about their favorite apps, or even play their favorite online games together. When you’re aware of the environment they’re interacting with, you can better guide them through potential risks and more importantly, show them what to do if they fall victim.
Children also learn by example, so modeling responsible behavior online is crucial. Show them what it means to be a good digital participant in today’s onlife world – be respectful, safe, and thoughtful in your own online interactions. This not only sets a good example but helps your child develop the integrity and awareness needed to navigate the onlife world responsibly. Demonstrate how you manage your privacy settings, how you interact with people online, and how you deal with questionable content or behaviors. If your child sees you practicing good digital literacy, they’re more likely to adopt those same habits themselves.
It’s important not to fall into the trap of thinking that no news is good news. Just because nothing seems wrong on the surface doesn’t mean that everything is fine. Regular check-ins about your child’s online life are necessary to uncover challenges before they escalate – this is why we encourage families to set aside one dinner each week to focus on discussing what’s happening in their child’s onlife world. Ask about their day-to-day experiences on social media, their interactions with friends, or anything unusual they’ve encountered online. This doesn’t mean prying, but rather creating an open environment where your child feels safe discussing their digital life. By doing this, you not only stay informed but also show your child that their online safety is just as important as any other aspect of their well-being.
Combating the Arrogance of Disbelief requires a proactive and engaged approach to your child’s onlife world. Recognizing that even “good kids” can encounter online risks is the first step in fostering open communication, providing essential digital literacy and internet safety education, staying involved in their digital activities, and setting a positive example.
The belief that a child is too “good” to make mistakes or fall into risky situations can blind parents to the very real dangers lurking online. By acknowledging your child’s vulnerability and equipping them with the tools and knowledge to navigate the onlife world safely, you help protect them from the ever-evolving threats of technology and the internet. This approach equips youth to make informed and responsible choices in the online world they are growing up in today.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
