Last weekend, while enjoying a latte at a coffee shop in our community, we had an experience that reinforced something we’ve been saying for years. What made this particular coffee shop unique was that it was directly connected to a library, allowing visitors to move seamlessly between the two. It was there that we saw a middle school-aged boy sitting at one of the library’s internet-connected computers, watching videos.
Curious, we introduced ourselves as The White Hatter and mentioned our work in digital literacy and internet safety. His response? “Oh, I saw one of your presentations at my school last year!” That connection sparked a conversation about youth, technology, and the internet.
When we asked him why he was using the library’s internet instead of going online at home, his answer was simple but telling:
“My parents don’t allow me to use a computer or to go online at home, so I come here to access the internet instead.”
When we asked this teen if their parent knew about this, their answer was “no”.
Some parents and caregivers believe that by strictly forbidding internet or tech access at home, they are protecting their children. But the truth is, kids are resourceful. If they aren’t given age-appropriate and developmentally responsible access to technology within the home, they will find it elsewhere such at a friend’s house, at school, or in places like a library or coffee shop. And when they do, they may be navigating the online world without the guidance and education needed to make safer and more informed choices.
The best way to protect children online isn’t through outright bans, it’s through education. When children are taught how to use technology responsibly within the safety of their home environment, they are far better equipped to make good decisions when they are online outside the home. Digital literacy should be seen as a life skill, just like learning to swim. You wouldn’t keep your child away from water their entire life in hopes of preventing drowning, you’d teach them how to swim safely.
Our coffee shop conversation was yet another reminder that when parents or caregivers attempt to shield their children from technology by implementing outright bans, they often unintentionally push them toward unmonitored and unguided internet access. This middle school student’s response of seeking out internet access in a public library because it was not allowed at home, illustrates a reality that many parents may not realize:prohibition doesn’t prevent access; it only shifts it elsewhere, often in ways that lack parental oversight and guidance.
Rather than relying on prohibition measures, parents and caregivers should aim to foster digital literacy, critical thinking, and responsible technology use within the home. Just as we teach children to swim rather than keeping them away from water, we must equip them with the skills to navigate the onlife world safely and confidently, thus building resiliency when they are outside the home accessing technology and the internet.
By allowing age-appropriate access to technology and having open, ongoing conversations about online safety, privacy, and digital citizenship, parents and caregivers can create an environment where their children feel supported rather than restricted. This approach doesn’t just reduce risky behaviour, it empowers youth and teens to make informed choices, seek guidance when needed, and develop the skills they need to thrive in today’s onlife world where technology and access to the internet has become ubiquitous.
Ultimately, the goal shouldn’t be to control or eliminate technology from our children’s lives but to guide them in using it wisely. Because if we don’t, they will find a way to access it on their own without the safeguards, education, and support that only parents and caregivers can provide.
The reality is that technology is an integral part of our kids onlife world, and keeping youth and teens away from it entirely isn’t a sustainable or effective strategy. Instead of banning or delaying access, we should be “paving the way” for youth and teens to engage with technology safely and responsibly. Because if we don’t, youth and teens will find another way to go online without the guardrails we could have put in place.
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The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
