Sextortion is a clear and present threat that targets vulnerable youth, often pushing them to a state of emotional and psychological crisis, where many will experience self-harm and suicidal ideations. As a parent or caregiver, understanding the severity of sextortion, its immediate impact on young minds, and how best to support your child during this dangerous period can make all the difference between life and death. (1)
In the medical world, the “golden hour” refers to the critical time after a traumatic medical event, such as a stroke or heart attack, when swift medical intervention can save a life. We here at the White Hatter have applied this same concept to youth who are the targets of sextortion, particularly those experiencing severe suicidal ideations because of being targeted. Within the first hour after a sextortion begins, their emotional state can spiral rapidly. The overwhelming feelings of shame, fear, and isolation can lead to a youth having thoughts of self-harm or suicide if not addressed immediately. As Dr. Scott Hadland, Chief Adolescent Medicine at the Massachusetts General Hospital stated:
“When you look at the fact that teen brains are still developing, when something catastrophic happens, like a personal picture is released to people online, it’s hard for the teen to look past that moment and understand that in the big scheme of things they’ll be able to get through this”
We believe, through our experience in helping hundreds of teens and their families with these types of incidents, that the psychological impact of sextortion is very similar to the physical consequences of a medical emergency – meaning that immediate intervention can prevent further injury or death. For teens targeted by sextortion, the first hour is when they are most vulnerable to impulsive and dangerous decisions – remember, teens live for the here and now and are not necessarily thinking about the future. The youth may feel trapped, believing that their intimate photos or videos will be shared with everyone they know, and this fear of social embarrassment can escalate into thoughts of suicide. In the United States alone, we have located 20 cases of youth who died by suicide due to sextortion. In Canada, we know of five teens who have also died by suicide because of sextortion.
“Red Alert” to “Yellow Alert” – Calming the Crisis
Out of the 325 teens who have reached out to us for help during their most critical moments, whether in the midst of or just after a sextortion event, they have given us invaluable experience in guiding them through their emotions and offering crucial insights on how to support other youth facing similar challenges.
When a teen is in the midst of a sextortion crisis, emotionally and psychologically they are operating in a condition that we like to call “red alert.” Their fear and anxiety levels are extremely high, and they are often not thinking rationally. The goal in this first hour is to de-escalate their emotions to bring them down to “yellow alert,” where they can start thinking more clearly and rationally. By doing so, they can make more measured decisions and work through the situation with a greater sense of control.
So, Why Don’t Teens Reach Out to Parents?
It has been our experience that one of the most alarming aspects of sextortion cases is that many teens are understandably reluctant to reach out to their parents. We have found that there are numerous reasons for this hesitation, including:
- A threat from the offender that if they reach out to parents or the police bad things will happen
- Fear of disappointing their parents
- Worry about being punished or having their devices taken away
- Embarrassment over what has happened
- Feeling as though their parents won’t understand or will overreact
Instead, teens often turn to peers, online communities like “Reddit”, or another individual they trust. This is where it becomes crucial to have other 24/7 wrap around support systems in place.
While some teens may not confide in their parents, they might seek help from anonymous resources. In Canada, this includes services like the Kids Help Phone, or *988 suicide and crisis lifeline. However, in our work with teens, we have discovered a significant gap – while these helplines can be life-saving resources, we have heard from more than a few teens who accessed these resources, specific to sextortion, many felt the individual crisis counsellor on the other end is not necessarily familiar with the specific dynamics of an actual sextortion event, and the pressure tactics used by the offender.
A major concern we’ve identified through our firsthand experience working with youth and teens is that many suicide prevention helplines do not have adequate training on sextortion. Youth in crisis, particularly victims of financial sextortion, are often terrified that their explicit images will be widely distributed. This fear drives them to a psychological breaking point. What most young people don’t realize is that, in many cases, their images are not disseminated as widely as they fear, especially when the extortion is financially motivated. In fact, in all 325 sextortion cases that we have been involved in helping teens and families, we have not had one case where the picture or video was shared with a wider audience.
When we’ve shared this fact with a youth in crisis, it’s been effective in bringing them down from the psychological red alert ledge of suicidal ideations. This critical information can help restore a sense of control and shift their mindset from panic to problem-solving. However, helpline staff who are unaware of these nuances might inadvertently increase the youth’s anxiety, as they cannot provide the specific reassurance needed, again something that we have heard from youth.
This is why we strongly advocate for more specialized training on sextortion for those working with youth in crisis. Sextortion is a unique type of cybercrime, and being able to provide accurate, calming information in the first hour can mean the difference between life and death – if you are one of those agencies that provide such emergency counselling to youth, we would love to provide your staff with the training and information we believe is needed to help.
So, How Parents Can Help?
If you suspect your child may be experiencing sextortion, or if they ever come to you in a panic, here’s how you can help during the golden hour:
- Build a relationship with your child that they know they can come to you for help without fear no matter what the incident may be.
- Let your child explain the situation without interrupting or showing anger.
- Avoid assigning blame, given them a big hug, and let them know you are there to support them and that they won’t be punished for reaching out – you are going to work through this together. You need to be the steady and calm beacon that WILL help guide them through the stormy waters of sextortion.
- Encourage your child to take a breath and avoid making any rash decisions like sending more money or images to the perpetrator, and follow our 10-step emergency protocol to triage the sextortion (2)
- If professional help is needed, contact resources that understand sextortion, such as local law enforcement, cybercrime units, victim service units or helplines trained to deal with these cases. Here in Canada, we also have the Canadian Center For Child Protection (3)
- Reinforce that the images may not be shared as widely as feared, especially in cases of financial sextortion. This reassurance can significantly lower their panic and anxiety.
- check out our FREE “Sextortion Resource Library” that will bring you fully up to speed on the who, what, where, when, how, and why of sextortion, including what to expect from the police if notified (4)
By acting quickly and compassionately during the golden hour, you can provide your child with the support they need to navigate this terrifying situation. Remember, sextortion can feel like the end of the world for a teen, but with the right intervention, it doesn’t have to end in tragedy.
Supporting teens during a sextortion crisis demands swift attention, informed action, and emotional care. By providing proper educational training to parents, caregivers, educators, and helplines, we can help more youth transition from a “red alert” to a “yellow alert”, potentially preventing serious harm or even saving a life when they have fallen victim to a sextortion event.
Again, if you are one of those agencies that provide such emergency counselling to youth, we would love to provide your staff with the training and information we believe is needed to help.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References:
1/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/sextortion/
