Very recently, we assisted another Canadian family dealing with a difficult situation involving their teen who became the target of a sextortion. This marks the 277th time we’ve helped a family cope with a sextortion incident, with 271 cases involving teen boys and 6 involving teen girls. The parent who reached out to us was audibly frustrated and disappointed, expressing that they had repeatedly talked to their teen about the dangers of sharing intimate images or videos online.
We completely understand the frustration this parent felt. However, it highlights the reality that even with education and ongoing communication on this topic, it may not always prevent a teenager, or even an adult, from making a regrettable choice in today’s onlife world.
During our phone conversation with the parent, we noted that the teenager was present in the same room. It’s important to acknowledge that the teenager was probably seeing and hearing the parent’s frustration, disappointment, and unintentional judgmental demeanour, even if it wasn’t the parent’s intent, which it was not – they too were caught up in their own emotions wanting to protect their child.
With the parent’s consent, we had a private conversation with the teen to hear their perspective on what happened. We reassured the teen that what they did was not illegal and that we were there to support and help both them and their parents. Hearing this, the teen broke down in tears, saying, “Thank you; I thought I was going to get arrested by the police for doing something illegal.”
Following our conversation with the teen, we spoke privately with the parent. We emphasized that, in this crisis, their child needed their support more than their judgment or criticism. We next discussed a process we’ve developed at the White Hatter to help families navigate the challenges of sextortion. We suggested to the parent that, before calling their teen back into the room to discuss next steps, they should take a moment to breathe deeply, invite their teen in, and give them a reassuring motherly hug while sincerely saying, “It’s going to be okay; I love you, and we will get through this together.”
The parent followed our advice, took a breathe, and brought their teen back into the room (we could hear everything) – family love filled the air! The teen started to cry and said, “I love you too, Mom.” It was clear that the prior apprehension, frustration, judgment, and disappointment of the incident had all but vanished. Our mission was accomplished; the family could now advance together, armed with the strategies we had formulated and shared with both the parent and the teen, ready to effectively navigate the incident together.
Now, should there be an opportunity for this parent to discuss their child’s lack of critical thinking and possible family consequences to actions? – YES, but not until the crisis has ended, and the perceived danger has passed! Until that time, we as parents and caregivers can’t allow the spectre of frustration, judgement, and disappointment to cloud our number one responsibility to our child in their time of crisis – being the calm and supportive parent who will be there unconditionally to support and help their child navigate the emotional, psychological, physical, and social crisis that they now find themselves in, no matter what they did or did not do!
By the end of our lengthy phone conversation, both the parent and teen were deeply thankful for our help and guidance. Again, mission accomplished!
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Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
