Caveat- this article was spawned over an incident this weekend where a very panicked parent connected with us over the fact that they had found topless pictures of their 14-year-old daughter on her phone.
Discovering explicit images on your child’s device can be alarming, and your first instinct may be to assume the worst – that these images have been sent to someone else. However, it’s important to understand that not all images found on a device are shared as was later found in the incident that spawned this article. FACT – in some cases, nude photos may be kept privately and used by your child for self-comparison or other personal reasons.
It’s crucial to recognize that the reasons behind teens taking nude photos of themselves are varied and not necessarily tied to sharing them with others. Here are two common reasons that we have identified with youth that we work with:
#1 – Some teens take nude photos as a way to explore and understand their developing bodies. These images can serve as a means for them to compare how their bodies are changing with puberty. Adolescence is a time of significant physical and emotional changes and sometimes technology may be used in this developmental stage
#2 – Adolescents are naturally curious and may experiment with taking nude photos simply as a form of self-expression or exploration, without any intent to share them with others.
If you’ve found self-created nudes on your child’s device, it’s essential to approach the situation with calmness and understanding. Jumping to conclusions or reacting harshly can damage your parent/child relationship and may lead them to hide things from you in the future.
Before confronting your child, take a moment to breathe and calm yourself. It’s natural to feel a range of emotions but approaching the conversation with calmness is crucial. Begin by asking open-ended questions, such as, “I came across some photos on your device that surprised me. Can you tell me more about them?” This approach encourages your child to share their perspective without feeling immediately judged.
As your child explains, listen without interrupting or making accusations, allowing them to feel safe discussing sensitive topics with you. If they reveal that the photos were taken for self-comparison, reassure them that it’s normal to be curious about their body. However, it’s also important to educate them about the potential risks of keeping such photos on their device, discussing privacy concerns, the possibility of others accessing the photos, and the significance of being mindful about their digital dossier.
At The White Hatter, we’ve assisted several teens who found themselves in difficult situations after keeping nudes on their phones for reasons like those mentioned in this article. In one incident, a teen lent their phone to a friend, unaware that their friend scrolled through their photos, found these private images, copied them, and then sent them to their own device. Unfortunately, this friend reposted the pictures online without the teen’s knowledge or consent.
Finding nude photos on your child’s device can be a distressing experience, but it is important to remember that it doesn’t always mean the images have been shared with others. Understanding the reasons why teens might take such photos, and approaching the situation with empathy and open communication, can help you navigate this sensitive issue. By creating a supportive environment and maintaining an ongoing dialogue about digital literacy, internet safety, and age-appropriate healthy human sexuality discussions, you can help your child make informed decisions about their onlife behavior.
Remember, your response can shape how open your child will share their thoughts with you in the future. By addressing the situation with care and understanding, you can strengthen your relationship and empower your child to make responsible choices in today’s onlife world. If things do go wrong, this approach will also reassure them that they can come to you for help without fear of a parent or caregiver’s overreaction.
NOTE: After contacting us and learning how to address what they discovered on their daughter’s phone, the parents realized it fell under reason #1 mentioned above. Following their conversation with her, they reached out to us again to express their thanks. They shared that our guidance led to a much deeper discussion on the topic of nudes and healthy human sexuality—one that wouldn’t have occurred had they initially approached their daughter with anger and disbelief that was their first instinct before talking with us. Love what we do, how we do it, and why we do it!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Feelings, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
