Very recently we provided recommendations to a teenager who connected with us because they had been the target of a sextortion. Our team helped the teen by walking them through a recommended coping protocol and suggested they notify their parent or guardian about the incident. However, we do understand that informing a parent about such an issue can further stress the teen, especially if they fear their parent’s overreaction or punitive actions. Despite this challenge, we still highly recommend that parents or caregivers be informed so they can provide the necessary support and assistance to their child.
In all cases where teens connect with us, we offer our services for free to connect with their parents or caregivers and explain what has happened to their child, and what steps they can now take to help their child during this time of crisis. It has been our experience that such conversations can have extremely positive outcomes, resulting in parents or caregivers becoming the much-needed supportive resources for their child in this time of emotional, psychological, and social crisis that accompanies a sextortion incident.
However, we recently encountered a situation where the caregiver’s response was not what we had hoped for. Instead of becoming a pillar of support for the teen, the caregiver turned the teen’s traumatic incident into their own personal hardship vocalizing their need to now act to help the teen which took time out of their life given they were getting ready to leave on a holiday in the morning – we kid you not, that is what they said to us!
We don’t want to go into too much detail, but to be clear this was not a parent, but rather a legal caregiver that had custodial supervision over this teen.
Upon hearing this response, which the teen heard as well, we felt like reaching through the phone to grab this caregiver to give them a good shake and say, “Are you kidding us, this is not about you, it’s about the teen who is in a crisis state needing your help as the adult caregiver” What this teen needed to hear from this caregiver, “ It’s ok, I’m here to help, and we will work through this together”
Unfortunately, this incident highlights the challenges that can sometimes arise when informing parents or caregivers about online situations like this, and why many teens will not reach out to their parent or caregiver for help.
Out of the now 157 sextortion cases where teens have reached out to us for help, this is the first case where a parent or caregiver was clearly more concerned about their own selfish needs than the emotional, psychological, physical, and social needs of the teen.
This incident emphasizes the critical need to offer training, support, and guidance to parents and caregivers on how to respond appropriately to such incidents. Based on our experience, most parents and caregivers will take advantage of such resources in a positive way. However, despite providing these resources, there are some who choose to remain willfully blind and selfishly ignore such training, support, and guidance offers.
It is crucial to educate and empower parents and caregivers to respond effectively to situations like sextortion, and how to support the teen during these times of crisis. Such incidents can have long-lasting effects on a teenager’s mental and emotional well-being, and parental support is vital for the recovery and healing process. We must continue to encourage parents and caregivers to seek help and guidance when needed, ensuring they have the tools necessary to provide the support the teen requires.
This incident, although very frustrating, did underscore the importance of providing parents and caregivers with the knowledge and resources needed to respond appropriately to situations like sextortion – something that we will continue to do without charge. While most parents and caregivers will take advantage of such resources, sadly some may choose not to. Nevertheless, we must continue to offer support and guidance to ensure that all parents and caregivers have the necessary tools to support their child during times of crisis no matter what the cause.
The White Hatter
