For years, parents, educators, and internet safety advocates have repeated the phrase, “The internet never forgets.” It’s meant as a warning to young people: Be careful what you post online, because like a tattoo it will follow you forever. We get it, while this statement carries an important message about being mindful of one’s digital literacy, it’s also misleading and, in some cases, harmful, especially to young people who have made mistakes online and now find themselves in an emotional, psychological, physical, and social crisis situation.
However, the idea that the internet can’t forget is not entirely accurate and is a common misconception. Yes, believe it or not, content can be removed, or like a scar, fade over time. While some things can linger online longer than we’d like, the belief that nothing can ever be deleted is simply not true. Many, not all, social media platforms have built-in mechanisms for deleting posts, and various laws in different regions, such as the Right to Be Forgotten, allow individuals to request the removal of certain personal data from search engine results. As an example the EU’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) includes a “right to erasure,” which allows individuals to request the deletion of their personal data from controllers (organizations holding the data) under certain circumstances. (1) Here in Canada, a youth or their guardian can also make a request to Google to removes images, or other content, of anyone below the age of 18 from search results at the request of the individual under 18. (2)
Additionally, many websites and online services have policies in place to remove harmful or inappropriate content when requested under their Terms of Service.
The web is not a static, permanent space; it is constantly changing. Websites shut down, accounts are deleted, and digital content fades or disappears over time. While some things might be archived in obscure parts of the internet, something known as a “digital tail”, the reality is that the majority of online content does not remain “easily” accessible forever. Many files online show a short half-life period, and significant decay in services, something known as “Link Rot” (3) The average social media post from a teenager is not something that will necessarily be preserved indefinitely, nor is it likely to remain relevant as time passes. The fear that every online action will have lifelong consequences can be sometimes be a reality, but is often exaggerated depending on what was posted and when it was posted.
It’s also important to recognize that most youth and teens mature over time. While some online postings might have long-lasting effects, the vast majority of youthful online mistakes fade from public attention relatively quickly. Society is increasingly recognizing that people grow and change, and many employers and universities now take a more holistic approach when evaluating a person’s digital history – we work with many of these companies and know this first hand. A single impulsive post from adolescence does not necessarily define a person’s future. However, if such negative postings continue over time, this can become problematic.
Despite the intent behind the warning, the thought that the internet never forgets can also have serious emotional consequences for young people. It can create unnecessary fear and shame, making them feel that any mistake they make online is permanent and will ruin their lives forever. This kind of pressure can lead to overwhelming anxiety, depression, and, in extreme cases, even suicidal thoughts , this is especially true when it comes to the issue of sextortion. Instead of helping youth and teens , the phrase “the internet never forgets” may cause them to feel hopeless and unable to move past their mistakes.
Believing that an online mistake is permanent can also discourage open conversations. If youth and teens feel like they have no way to recover from a bad decision, they may be less likely to seek help from parents, teachers, or other trusted adults. Fear of judgment or punishment might lead them to withdraw, hide their struggles, or suffer in silence instead of learning how to take responsibility and move forward.
The statement, “the internet never forgets” also ignores the power of personal growth and redemption. One of the most important lessons young people need to learn is that mistakes, whether online or offline, do not define them forever. The internet may capture moments, but it does not, in most cases, dictate their future. People are capable of learning from their experiences, making amends, and rebuilding their reputation. Instead of warning kids that the internet never forgets, we should be teaching them about digital resilience. They need to understand both the importance of being mindful of their online actions and the fact that they are not doomed if they make a mistake.
Rather than relying on fear-based statements, parents should focus on balanced, constructive conversations. Instead of saying, “The internet never forgets,” parents can encourage their children to think before they post and to understand that while their online actions matter, often they are not irreversible. A better message would be that their digital dossier can have consequences, but if they ever make a mistake, there are ways to address it, learn from it, and more importantly move forward.
Shifting the conversation from fear to education and support empowers youth and teens to make better choices without making them feel like their future is over if they slip up. Mistakes are a natural part of growing up, and by fostering an environment of guidance and resilience, parents can help their children navigate the digital world with confidence and responsibility.
This post isn’t about ignoring the fact that what you share online can have consequences; rather, it’s about recognizing that not everything you post will necessarily remain accessible on the internet indefinitely. While your digital dossiers are real, content can become buried, deleted, or lose relevance over time. Understanding this nuance is important, especially in conversations about online reputation, digital permanence, and how platforms manage data.
The idea that “the internet never forgets” is often repeated as a cautionary statement, but it is not entirely accurate. While it is true that online actions can have consequences, it is equally true that content can be removed, buried, or lose relevance over time. The digital world is not as static as many believe; platforms evolve, accounts are deleted, and legal mechanisms exist to help individuals manage their online presence.
More importantly, this fear-based narrative can do more harm than good, particularly for young people who have made mistakes online. The belief that a single digital misstep will define them forever can create unnecessary anxiety, discouraging them from seeking help or believing in their ability to grow and change. It is essential to shift the conversation from permanent punishment to digital resilience, teaching youth that while online responsibility is critical, mistakes are not the end of the road.
Instead of using fear to dictate online behaviour, parents, educators, and internet safety advocates should focus on balanced, informed discussions. Encouraging thoughtful posting habits, teaching about privacy settings, and providing support when missteps occur will help young people develop a healthy relationship with their digital presence. They need to understand that their actions online do matter, but they are not without options if they make a mistake.
By fostering an environment of education, guidance, and redemption, we empower youth to navigate the onlife world with confidence rather than fear. The internet may capture moments, but it does not have to define a person’s future. Instead of telling young people that “the internet never forgets,” we should be teaching them that learning, adapting, and taking responsibility for their digital actions are what truly matter in the long run.
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The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts Not Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
Post Script:
In our presentations, we emphasize that what you post “may” become public, permanent, searchable, exploitable, copied, sharable, and even sold. However, we also teach that a person’s digital dossier is not always set in stone – content can often be redacted, buried, managed, and, in many cases, fade over time, especially when it comes to minor online missteps. At The White Hatter, we have assisted teens and their families in navigating this reality, particularly in leveraging their online presence for post-secondary grants, scholarships, athletics, and job opportunities.
References:
1/ https://gdpr-info.eu/art-17-gdpr/
2/ https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/10949130?hl=en
3/ https://www.pewresearch.org/data-labs/2024/05/17/when-online-content-disappears/
