Online Parenting Strategies

Caveat:

This Chapter is not about telling you how to parent your child, because you are the parent, not us. This chapter is all about bringing to your attention, what we have seen to be the “best practices” when it comes to parenting in the onlife world.

Parenting adolescents has long been a complex task, balancing adolescents’ need for independence and exploration with appropriate scaffolding and safeguards as they move toward young adulthood. As the authors of this 2022 study  on “What Is Digital Parenting stated ( https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/17456916211072458 ):

“Parental concerns about adolescents’ use of technology have been likened to generational concerns that have plagued parents across time, from telephones to television to video games . When it comes to mobile digital technologies, these concerns are only amplified, given their personal use and immersive nature”

For the past several years we have been sharing that teens, unlike parents, do not see a difference between the online and the offline world, it’s just one world to them. This is why we have adopted the term “onlife”, which was coined by Professor Luciano Floridi, given that we believe it better describes the world that we and our kids live in today.

When it comes to the onlife world, we have identified three types of parenting strategies:

  1. Closed range strategies
  2. Open range strategies
  3. Mediated range strategies

 

Closed Range Parenting:

We find that closed-range parenting strategies are primarily based upon lack of trust, juvenoia, and fear surrounding their child’s use of technology and the internet. This strategy of parenting is so concerned about the emotional, psychological, physical, and social effects that technology and the internet may have on a child, a parent will prohibit its use. If a child is allowed access to technology and the internet, the parent will often “helicopter” or “bubble wrap” a child in suffocating parental overwatch. This strategy does very little to allow a child to develop agency, age-appropriate critical thinking skills and digital literacy, which are three important attributes that are needed in today’s onlife world.

 

Open Range Parenting:

We find that open-range parenting, sometimes known as “free-range parenting”, is based upon a lack of understanding, at times even willful blindness, of both the positive and negative consequences of unsupervised technology and internet use. Sometimes this strategy of parenting is predicated on the belief that kids should be allowed to go online without any kind of parental overwatch or boundaries. Often technology and the internet in this category are used as a digital pacifier, rather than the un-mediated and powerful two-way communication tool that it is. Often this parenting strategy is based upon the belief that “bad stuff will never happen to my child”, and often abdicates onlife parental responsibilities to others such as social media vendors, teachers, or the over-dependence on the use of parental monitoring software/hardware controls believing it will keep them safe.

 

Mediated Range Parenting:

We find that mediated range parenting has struck a balance between closed range and open range parenting. At its foundation, mediated range parenting has aged-based incremental trust, is evidence-based focused, and does not allow an anecdotal or emotional approach to onlife parenting based upon fear. This range of parenting often utilizes a synthesized five-pillar approach:

  • It allows youth agency in what they are doing online
  • Parental modeling on the appropriate use of technology
  • Parental participation in their child’s onlife world,
  • Parental communication specific to what is happening in their child’s onlife world, and
  • On-going “overt” rather than “covert” parental overwatch (personal spot checks, software/hardware monitoring where reasonable and appropriate) of what is happening in their child’s onlife world.

 

The fifth bullet, “parental overwatch” should be decreased and even eliminated, as the child demonstrates responsibility, critical thinking, and good digital literacy/maturity over time.

Recently, Dr. Sonya Livingstone in her 2022 research paper stated

“While digital literacy does not protect young people from encountering risks online, it helps protect themselves from harmful outcomes by supporting the development of effective coping strategies.” https://bit.ly/3JtkUBx 

Dr Livingstone further found in her research,

“Given that young people will inevitably use digital technologies and be exposed to negative online experiences, it is vital to find ways to protect them that don’t unduly limit their access or undermine the positive outcomes of internet use.” https://bit.ly/3JtkUBx

We have found that a mediated range parenting approach has several advantages:

  • It’s based upon incremental trust that is age-appropriate,
  • It creates parental participation and communication which studies have shown decrease the likelihood of a youth engaging in onlife less than desirable behavior,
  • It creates critical thinking which is a needed skill in today’s onlife world,
  • It creates an environment where learning about digital literacy is a family responsibility,
  • It mentors youth to act independently and creates agency over their use of technology and the internet, especially when parents are not around, which is needed to develop effective coping strategies as they mature,
  • It’s what we like to call a “Goldilocks approach to screen use”, not too much, not too little, in the middle is just right!

 

The only negative that we could identify with mediated range parenting; it takes time and effort when compared to the other two strategies – our question, “Isn’t the most precious things in this world, our kids, worth that time and effort?”

Remember, when it comes to the onlife world be your child’s best parent and not their best friend, there is a difference. We can be parently while being friendly at the same time, the two can coexist. We believe mediated range parenting strikes that balance.

As our colleague, Clayton Cranford also known as the “Cyber Safety Cop” has stated,

“When I ask parents, where is the safest place for your child to be? Without fail, they always say, home. The reason they believe their home is the safest place for their child is because it was true for them, before there was an Internet. Today, when the door to the home is closed, the outside world is no longer locked out”

If proper online safety and security measures are not instituted in the home, then you have left the digital door wide open for your child to step out from, or allow others to step in to without your knowledge. This is why the five steps to internet safety for parents that we recommend is so important, something that we will discuss next.

 

The Five Steps To Internet Safety

There are five steps that we teach parents when it comes to onlife safety and digital literacy:

  1. Parental Supervision
  2. Parental Role Modeling of Technology
  3. Parental Communication & Participation
  4. Family Tech Boundaries
  5. Software/Hardware Overwatch Where Reasonable

 

Parental Supervision

Remember, the internet is not a baby-sitting tool like the TV was used when we were growing up.  Unlike TV, when we were teens, the internet is two-way interactive, although smart TVs today also offer two-way communication. It’s about helping our kids to find that balance and to concentrate on becoming producers rather than consumers.  Once again, a Goldilocks approach.

 

Parental Role Modeling:

What parents do with their technology will have a direct impact on what their child does with their technology. parents who overuse their own devices may see their teens mirroring that behaviour.

A 2023 study showed that parents using their phones excessively ( known as phubbing) when their kids are seeking their attention,  is linked to increased problematic cell phone behaviour in youth. This research highlights that problematic tech use by parents is associated with their kiddos engaging in problematic behaviour with their tech devices. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1117221/full

As we have said for years – we are our kids best role models when it comes to their use of technology!

 

Parental Communication & Participation

It is important that youth understand that our family values apply to the entire onlife world, they don’t change to something else when they are online. Help your child do homework and find research material online.  Play some online games that we speak to in chapter 9, and join the social networks that your kids are on.  Text your kids instead of calling them. Learn by doing.  Get your child to teach you about the internet, chances are they know more than you already.  Brandon was Darren’s digital Yoda, and Darren was Brandon’s digital Padawan. To this day, Brandon is still the digital master, and Darren is his digital student.

Have a “digital dinner” once a week as a family.  This doesn’t mean family members bring their cellphones to the dinner table.  As parents, we should never allow cell phones to be present while eating as a family. Dinner is the best time for families to bond, and we don’t want technology to distract from that bonding.  Instead, a digital dinner is where the family talks about everything digital that is happening in your child’s life, you will be amazed at what you learn.

In a 2014 study https://bit.ly/3zU6aqN  that was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association Pediatrics, the researchers found:

“More frequent family dinners related to fewer emotional and behavioural problems, greater emotional well-being, more trusting and helpful behaviours towards others and higher life satisfaction”

An excellent 2022 study by researchers from the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the University of California that supports our “Five Steps To Internet Safety” https://bit.ly/38DHaMr.  This study looked at 4000 teens, and their parents, and how parenting can have a significant role in keeping our kids safer in their onlife world. Briefly, the study found:

  • The majority of teens have healthy relationships with technology
  • Those youth who are at high risk off-line are often at the greatest risk online
  • Parents who overuse their own devices may see their teens mirroring that behaviour
  • Setting boundaries early, as soon as their kids interact with digital technology is important
  • Parental role modeling with technology, combined with parental participation, parental communication, and reasonable parental overwatch in their child’s onlife world is key to keeping them safer

 

If you have a challenge with knowing how to get a conversation going, check out the “Family Dinner Project” They have a lot of great tips and ideas https://bit.ly/37bAJMo

Get to know the apps that your kids are downloading and using.  You might be surprised at how some apps may not reflect your family’s values. If you find an app on their device that you have never seen before, ask your child what it is, and what it does.  If your child doesn’t want to tell you, Google it, Google will let you know what it does. Another great resource to find information on the apps your kids are using, Common Sense Media https://www.commonsensemedia.org/app-reviews.  If you find an app that isn’t congruent with your family values and ethics, delete it.  Are your kids going to be mad, probably, oh well that’s what makes us parents, and sometimes we parents have to say and doing things our kids are not going to like.  Remember, be your child’s best parents and not their best friend, there is a difference.  As your child reaches young adulthood, now you can become their friend as well.

In 2019, the University of Malibu, Stoney Brook University, and Boise State University conducted a study where they found that family interaction surrounding the use of technology had significant benefits to keeping our kids safer in this onlife world. Dr. Justin Patchin with the Cyberbullying Research Center stated in an article:

“Children who are strongly attached to their parents will seek them out in times of strife or stress. The person with whom they are bonded will be their safe haven and their protector. Having this safety net in place allows children to explore beyond their comfort zones early in life, but also provides older children (especially adolescents) a place to turn when they confront adversity. A solid emotional connection is also associated with “less engagement in high-risk behaviors, fewer mental health problems, and enhanced social skills and coping strategies.” The key in all of this, of course, is the positive emotional relationship.” https://bit.ly/3tYVkQ4

In another study that supports the above noted, Dr. Megan Moreno, a professor of pediatrics and head of the Social Media and Adolescent Health Research Team at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, led a large-scale 2022 study on digital media use and family dynamics. The study involved nearly 4,000 parent-teen pairs and aimed to understand the impact of technology on adolescent well-being.

 https://pediatrics.jmir.org/2022/2/e35540

The study found that approximately 63% of the teens fell into the “family engaged” group, indicating a healthy relationship with technology. The remaining 37% were classified as “at risk.” The risks associated with the “at risk” group included parents who set poor examples of social media use, rules that only focused on screen time, or no rules at all for digital media use.

The research highlighted that household rules focusing on the content of technology and ongoing communication with parents were more effective than rules solely based on screen time. The study emphasized the importance of parents understanding the unique needs of their child and being mindful of their own technology usage as role models.

The study highlighted three key behaviors associated with better well-being regarding technology use:

#1: For younger youth, considering family-owned technology devices instead of individually owned ones,

#2: creating and maintaining household rules focused on content rather than screen time, and

#3: A parents’ own technology and social media use, especially at home matters – especially when it comes to modeling good digital literacy.

 

Mom/Dad Can I Download This App or Social Network:

Once youth have technology, especially mobile technology, they will want to download Apps, social networking, and gaming platforms.  Rather than just giving them free rein to do so, we believe that a parent should first task their child with homework to research what they would like to download, and then provide the parent with an essay, verbal report, or even a PowerPoint presentation as to why they should be given permission. This is something that our online safety colleague Jocelyn Brewer at digitalnutrition.com calls a “due diligence report” This due diligence report contains ten questions that must be answered by the youth:

  1. What’s the age requirement? Do you meet it?
  1. What are the terms of service? How do they store and/or share your data?
  1. What’s the content/what does it do? What is the function of the app or the purpose of the game?
  1. How will it benefit you? Why do you need it?
  1. Who created it? When?
  1. How much does it cost? Are the founders making money out of it? How is it monetized (how do they make money out of it) and how much do they make each year?
  1. What are people saying about it? Are there any controversies relating to it?
  1. What are the privacy levels? Is there an anonymous feature?
  1. If you were a parent, would you let you access it?!
  1. Any other information or final

 

In the book “Digital for Good: Raising Kids to Thrive in An Online World” Joseph South, Chief Learning Officer at the International Society of Technology in Education, also promotes something similar.  Joseph believes that youth should “pitch” their maturity to download an app, social network, or gaming platform by answering these nine questions:

  1. How can this app help me and harm me?
  1. How does the app connect me to other people?
  1. Can I connect with strangers, or can they contact me?
  1. What kinds of interactions does with app allow?
  1. How does the app make money?
  1. How does the app keep me engaged?
  1. How does the app handle the issue of privacy?
  1. Does the app make sense for me based upon my age, maturity, ability to regulate my use, and my understanding of digital permanence?
  1. What do experts in medicine, psychology, online safety say about the app?

 

We believe that a hybrid approach using both Jocelyn’s and Joseph’s criteria should be adopted by all families before your child is allowed to download an app, social network, or gaming platform. This “homework”, “presentation”, “essay”, or “pitch” ( important skills for youth to learn) will provide both parents and youth with a deeper understanding of the safety, security, and privacy of the app, social network, or gaming platform. We can also guarantee that this process will also spawn deeper meaningful discussions about the use of technology as a family.

We believe that the above-noted approach to allowing your child to download an app is very important, especially given a 2022 report by the Canadian Centre For Child Protection called “Reviewing the Enforcement of App Age Ratings in Apple’s App Store and Google Play” https://bit.ly/38qAOiW  Some key findings in this report: 

  • “There is inconsistent enforcement of app age ratings
    • Example: In Apple’s App Store, 13 year olds could download 17+ apps by simply clicking a pop-up box “confirming” they were 17+ even though Apple knows the user is 13 based on the age entered in the account. 
  • When children and youth search for apps, some “promoted or suggested apps” that were visible were rated higher than the age associated with the account
    • Example: Searching for YuboTM in Google Play as an 11 year old brought up the recommended app 3Fun: Threesomes Couples Dating, and Chatous: 18+ Live Video Chat.
  • There are age rating inconsistencies across Apple, Google and the apps’ terms of services
    • Example: YouTube® is rated 17+ on Apple, 13+ (“Teen”) on Google Play, and 13+ in YouTube’s terms of service
  • Chatroulette-style apps were available for download in Google Play and Apple’s App store, despite Apple making them subject to removal from their store in 2010
    • Example: Searching for “chatroulette” in Apple’s App Store as an 11 and 13 year old, returned numerous apps, including Chat for Strangers: Video Chat, Juice Live: Adult Video Chat, and Showme; Random Video Chat.
  • Both mobile app stores lacked transparency on how they establish app age ratings, and have inconsistency in content descriptions
    • Example: YouTube on Apple’s App Store has multiple content descriptions, including “Infrequent/Mild Sexual Content and Nudity” and “Frequent/Intense Mature/Suggestive Themes,” while Google Play’s content descriptors for YouTubeare “Users Interact” and “Digital Purchases.”

 

Family Technology Boundaries

It is important to have clear guidance on the use of technology both inside and outside of the home, including set time limits to use the internet and for how long.  This is where the White Hatter Family Collective Agreement can help

https://ln5.sync.com/dl/9530578f0/mgdaarfh-xuqkccx8-a69xx82c-xc2yryvi

This collective agreement outlines clear responsibilities for both the child and the parent. The agreement also clearly outlines consequences if the agreement is breached. We recommend that you print this agreement, read it and sign it together with your child, and post it on your kitchen fridge so it is seen every day to help compound its message.

 

Hardware and Software Solutions

Where reasonable and appropriate to do so, filtering and monitoring software and hardware, could be a good adjunct to parental participation and communication, but never as a replacement.  This is something that we speak to in-depth in chapter 10.

 

Be a Good Digital Role Model

  • If you are texting and driving, guess what your kids will do when they are old enough to drive.
  • If you bring your phone to the dinner table, guess what your kids will do with their cell phones.
  • If you take your phone into your bedroom at night, guess what your kids will want to do with their cell phones. The exception, if your cellphone is the primary phone in the home to use in emergencies
  • If you take your phone into the bathroom, guess what your kids will do with their cell phones.
  • If you are texting your kids during class, guess what your kids will do with their cellphones during class. Teachers have asked us to please ask parents to stop texting their kids during school hours, as it is extremely disruptive to a classroom’s learning environment. Wait for the lunchtime break to communicate with your child. If it’s an emergency, call the school.
  • If you are texting while your child is attempting to have a face-to-face conversation with you, guess what your child will do when you are attempting to have a face-to-face with them. We asked 179 teens how many of them experienced a situation where parents are more interested in engaging with their phone than talking with you, 69% reported “yes” and 31% stated “no”.
  • 54% of children said they thought their parents spent too much time on their phones, with 36% saying their parents get distracted by their phones right in the middle of conversations with them, which makes them feel unimportant. (2015 AVG study of 6000 youth 8-13yrs)

 

Remember, we are digital role models for our kids.  Digitally distracted parents often cultivate digitally distracted pre-teens and teens.  What parents and caregivers do with their technology matters!

 

Sharenting vs Over-Sharenting

The launch of Facebook in 2004 was the true catalyst in the creation of the “tagged generation”. For readers who are unaware, once you tag (#) a picture with a name, that picture now becomes very searchable. Although tagging pictures is convenient for searchability, it also creates unforeseen vulnerabilities that parents may not have considered. Like it or not, parents have become the genesis of creating digital dossiers of their children that are becoming very searchable.

It is believed that the term “sharenting” was coined in a 2013 article by the Wall Street Journal, but for the purpose of this book our definition of sharenting is:

“The parental overuse of technology and social media to knowingly, and sometimes unknowingly, share content from or about a child”

We believe that not all sharenting is bad.  As Stacey Steinburg stated in her great 2020 book, “Growing Up Shared”, which can be located here: https://www.thewhitehatter.ca/book-list

“Sharenting is often a positive way to connect and support one another during parenthood to improve our lives, child’s lives and the lives of others in our community”

The challenge is not sharenting, it’s over-sharenting. Pictures and posting of your child may be cute and funny to you today, but these same postings could place your child at risk of embarrassment, discrimination, or identity theft later in life. Here’s a great example of how it lead to pictures being used for criminal purposes bit.ly/3Xv96qQ

In a recent study from England, it was estimated that 92% of two-year-old’s have an online presence that is searchable online. The same study found by the time the child reaches the age of five, they have approximately 1500 images that have been posted by parents.

We decided to ask teens who follow us on social media the following question:

“Are you comfortable with your parents posting personal information about you on their social media?”

339 teens responded and 66% stated “no”, and 34% stated “yes”

Of interest, we also asked parents the following question:

“Are you comfortable with your kids posting pictures or personal information of you on their social media?”

287 parents responded and 87% stated “no”, and 13% stated “yes”

Parent Tip:

What’s good for the goose, should be good for the gander when it comes to sharing information about each other online. How would you feel if your parents took their photo album of all your baby pictures to your workplace, and shared them with everyone you knew and did not know? In today’s onlife world, our kids need a private space to play, make mistakes, and get involved in a little bit of mischief without it coming back to haunt them as they get older.

We have seen over-sharenting lead to cyber-bullying, sexually morphed pictures on pedophile sites, and identity theft. These are things that our parents could not share with us because we are the first generation of parents, who are now seeing the outcomes of over-sharenting. Think of this before you post!

 

CASE STUDY:

In August 2020, the online news platform iIteligence.com wrote an article about a mother who located a picture that she had posted of her young child online, was copied and pasted into a pedophilia website where it had been altered (morphed) so that the child appeared to be wearing heavy makeup. https://bit.ly/34YUIxL

 

“Kidfluencers” – The Other Form of Youth Exploitation

When we think about online exploitation of youth, we immediately think about “sexual exploitation”, and yes this is an extremely important form of exploitation that parents need to be aware of and understand; we dedicate a whole chapter to this topic in this web-book. However, we also think it is important that parents understand another form of child exploitation that is now taking place online – using youth as influence marketers or what is known as “kidfluencers” Unfortunately, parents can sometimes be the catalyst of this type of exploitation, without truly understanding the actual harm it can cause youth.  Here’s a great article that takes a deep dive into this form of online child exploitation and the associated risks. https://bit.ly/3ruXLaw  Here’s a great YouTube clip from 60 minutes Australia that looks at youth-based product influencers https://youtu.be/199u5kTAUas 

As stated in the above-noted article, the “large sums of money that come with Kidfluencers, can sometimes provide a strong incentive to parents and caregivers to engage their child in this form of exploitation, thus elevating their child’s vulnerability”

The allure of larger followings on these accounts is undeniable. Brands are drawn to influencers with substantial audiences, as it bolsters their chances of securing lucrative partnerships, discounts, and other financial incentives. Moreover, Instagram and TikTok’s algorithm rewards accounts with higher visibility, perpetuating a cycle of growth and influence. In a world where the creator economy is valued at over $250 billion globally, the potential for financial gain is staggering, with U.S. brands alone spending billions on influencers annually.

This trend extends beyond traditional industries like fashion, with sectors such as dance and gymnastics witnessing a surge in teens and preteens vying to become brand ambassadors. Children are increasingly becoming “walking advertisements,” replacing traditional marketing campaigns with their organic, relatable content. However, amidst the glitz and glamour, there are darker undercurrents at play.

The phenomenon of adult men attaining “top fan status” on young girls’ pages raises serious concerns about child safety and exploitation. While social media platforms implement measures to protect minors, the inherent risks remain. Parents must exercise vigilance and ensure appropriate boundaries are in place to safeguard their children from potential harm.

In the age of social media dominance, the allure of becoming an influencer is undeniable. For parents, the prospect of their child gaining fame and fortune through platforms like Instagram and TikTok can be enticing. However, behind the glamor lies a complex landscape filled with both opportunities and pitfalls.

Furthermore, the relentless pursuit of influencer status can take a toll on children’s mental health and well-being. The pressure to maintain a curated image, coupled with the constant scrutiny of online audiences, can lead to issues like anxiety, low self-esteem, and even identity crises.

So, what should parents do in the face of this complex landscape? First and foremost, they must prioritize their child’s safety and well-being above all else. This entails closely monitoring their online activities, setting clear boundaries, and fostering open communication about the risks and rewards of social media fame.

Additionally, parents should encourage their children to cultivate interests and talents beyond social media. While influencer status may offer short-term gains, true fulfillment lies in pursuing passions that nourish the soul and contribute positively to society.

 The rise of parent-managed Instagram and TikTok influencers underscores the need for a balanced approach. While the potential for fame and fortune is undeniable, it comes with significant risks and responsibilities. By prioritizing your children’s safety, well-being, and holistic development, parents can navigate this digital landscape with wisdom and integrity.

Here’s a GREAT YouTube video from ABC Australia on the topic of Kidfluencers https://youtu.be/VzPY_cS9_wQ?si=9P9PK4i7bX0Q1ndM

Sharenting Considerations That We Recommend: 

  • Remember, you have likely granted the social media platform you are using the “non-exclusive rights” to your content via their “Terms of Service” that you agreed to.
  • As parents and caregivers, do not use the internet and social media to affirm your role as a parent.
  • Ask yourself, what would your child think about your posting when they get older? Be reflective.
  • When old enough to understand what consent is, ask for your child’s permission first before you post and pictures or personal information about them.
  • If you are going to post a picture of your child, watermark it with “posted with the permission of my child”
  • Review old posts once a year, and delete content that given hindsight should not have been posted.
  • Model good posting behavior. We want our children to know that before they post a picture or personal information about anyone, they should ask for digital consent first.
  • Avoid sharing content that provides the location of where your child lives or goes to school
  • Avoid posts that show your child in any state of undress
  • Talk to grandparents given that far too often they will share too much information about their grandchildren on their social media platforms

 

As Dr. Alexandra Hamlet, a child psychologist stated,

“There is a difference between being proud of your kids and displaying that on your refrigerator, compared to sharing it on social media without consent or discussing with them in advance”

 

UPDATE May 2024 – A movement is now being led by the first generation of “social media babies” who suffered from over-sharenting. These young adults are advocating for laws to protect future children from parents who share too much information about them online. https://thewhitehatter.ca/wp-admin/post.php?post=1028&action=elementor 

 

Be Careful About Utilizing Technology as A Digital Pacifier, Digital Babysitter, or Distraction Device During Early Adolescence

We get it, life is busy and sometimes providing your young child with a digital device, especially when they are emotionally acting out publicly, or when we need a little time to ourselves, can be an effective way to distract them, thus providing a parent or caregiver with some relief. As a company we are all about “KNOW tech” rather than “NO tech”. However, can routinely utilizing technology as a digital pacifier, digital babysitter, or distraction device have consequences? The answer – it depends!

Most major pediatric association recommend that for adolescents under the age of 6, time on devices should be restricted. Why – in early childhood, social and emotional development is a critical aspect of a child’s growth and well-being http://bit.ly/43qm7EO. Children need sufficient time with parents and caregivers who can model appropriate behavior, engage in back-and-forth sharing and communication, and help them learn to regulate their emotions and behavior. It is important to remember that early social development in adolescents comes with face-to-face contact with their parent or caregiver, and not the frequent use of technology.

One of the primary concerns with the use of digital devices in early childhood – it can lead to displacement. Displacement occurs when a child misses out on opportunities to interact with family members and caregivers to observe their behavior, and practice their social skills. This interaction is crucial for adolescent social and emotional development, as it helps them learn to regulate their emotions, express empathy, and learn how to resolve conflicts.

Excessive device usage may displace the child’s opportunity for learning emotion-regulation strategies over time. According to a study conducted by Radesky et al http://bit.ly/3zRdAgu – frequent use of mobile devices for calming young children may prevent them from developing important skills that can help them regulate their emotions and behavior in the long term. In another study http://bit.ly/3nXoxdF researchers found:

“Our study confirms that specific aspects of the 2-year old’s digital media (DM) environment are associated with the child’s language development. More content, whether it is viewed on a big screen or tablet, is negatively associated with language development. The likelihood of parents’ use of DM during everyday child routines is also negatively associated with the child’s language development. Positive linguistic parental strategies such as interactional turn-taking with the child, JME, and book reading, on the other hand, are positively associated with the child’s language development.”

While digital devices may offer temporary distraction or comfort, they do not provide the same type of responsive and caring interaction that is critical for a child’s social and emotional development. Caregivers and parents should model appropriate behavior, engage in back-and-forth sharing and conversation, and help children learn to regulate their emotions and behaviors rather than using a device as a technology crutch to do so.

However, under certain circumstances, utilizing a device as a distraction can be an effective age appropriate strategy for calming an overexcited or distressed child, such as when they are about to undergo a medical procedure like dental work and are waiting for an appointment in the dentist office. However, it is important to note that this is different than the routine passive use of technology to distract a youth, such as in a restaurant or grocery store. 

According to the research mentioned in this article, routinely using devices to distract or calm adolescent youth, such as in a restaurant or grocery store, could prevent them from learning self-soothing strategies and cause them to rely excessively on screens for regulating their emotions. This may result in significant consequences when starting school. Anecdotally, kindergarten teachers have stated to us that some of their students seek technology, like phones or tablets, to calm themselves down in uncomfortable situations, and not having access to such devices can exacerbate the situation. Why? – because parents and caregivers have often conditioned this response through the use of technology with their child.

Exceptions To The Rule:

Although the research and pediatricians recommend that those under the age of 6yrs not be allowed access to technology on a regular basis, there are some exception that the research has identified that can help adolescent social development, one such exception – video chatting with family members when they are not physically present

Video chat with family members can have a positive impact on an infants’ emotional development. A recent study by Roche et al. bit.ly/43wu4bF found that grandparent sensitivity over video chat influences infants’ emotions in a positive way. The study showed that when grandparents were sensitive and responsive to their grandchild’s cues during video chats, it led to more positive emotions in infants.

Another exception to the rule – joint age appropriate media engagement between the youth, parent, or caregiver http://bit.ly/3KUaGOf. Reading an e-book together, or playing an age appropriate education game together, where the parent or caregiver can have deeper conversations and interactions with their child, can increase emotional learning http://bit.ly/41grh4w

We have also heard from parents of neurodivergent youth, that the use of technology to “focus” attention is an extremely effective strategy. Some research supports the fact that technology can be very helpful in some situations for sure, but it is important to assess each situation and individual case to determine if it is the most appropriate strategy for your neurodivergent child http://bit.ly/3Uvu33k

So, What Is A Parent To Do?

Our recommendation – based on the above-mentioned research, we advise against using technology as a digital pacifier, digital babysitter, or digital distraction device for children under the age of 6, except in specific situations as mentioned in this article. Instead, technology should be used sparingly for activities like video chatting with family members, reading e-books together, or playing interactive educational games together.

It’s important to remember that technology should not be used as a digital pacifier, digital babysitter, or distraction device, but rather as a tool, and only in specific circumstances when it comes to adolescent youth.

 

At Home Online Learning

Caveat: We understand that not all families will have the ability to implement all the recommendations in this chapter, given a variety of different socio-economic factors and challenges. Having said this, even if a family is only able to institute a few of these recommendations, it can go a long way to enhance your child’s online distance learning experience.

Last School year, out of necessity, we were all – students, teachers, and parents – thrown into the “emergency” online learning environment as a result of COVID19. Many of us were totally unprepared, but we learned to adapt, overcome, improvise, and navigate our way through this new educational paradigm shift the best we could. Through the fog of COVID19 distant learning, there were definitely some lessons learned for parents, and students, when it comes to ensuring that we are best preparing our homes to enhance the learning environment for our kids. Given the uncertainty surrounding this new 2020/21 school year, it is reasonable to believe that some form of “at home” online learning will still be a reality faced by many families. As a result, we offer this White Hatter checklist to help make this new school year more conducive to at home online distance learning:

 

 

Home Network and Device Security:

  • If able, but not always possible, use a school-provided laptop or tablet for at-home learning. This helps to protect privacy, integrity, and security while doing online learning at home.
  • Think about installing a router on your home network that helps to protect all devices from malware and Direct Denial of Service attacks (DDOS). During COVID there were more youth online playing games that could sometimes lead to them being targets of game rage by others who would then target the family home router via a DDOS attack and shut it down for hours. The result, no internet access for your kids or parents which could be problematic if a parent is working from home. We recommend the Gryphon router as an excellent option given its multi-functional approach to family safety and security.
  • Change your passwords. A new school year is about to start, no better time than now to create new passwords. Here is a great and free site that will allow you to check the strength of your new password: www.my1login.com/resources/password-strength-test/
  • Install or update good malware (virus) protection on all your at-home learning devices, We here at the White Hatter also utilize “BitDefender” www.bitdefender.com as our primary malware protection software. For those that decide to use a Gryphon router, it is built right in!
  • Here’s a great resource from Apple to secure their devices and Apps https://apple.co/2JcqDlY 

 

 

Enhancing Home Learning:

  • Make sure before any new school session that your reboot the computer (turn it off and then back on) and make sure other programs, applications, and tabs are closed. This will ensure that the chosen device is fresh to go.
  • If your child was lucky enough to be issued with a school device (Chromebook, tablet) make sure both you and your child knows how it works. YouTube can be your best friend here.
  • Before using any at-home learning conferencing platform (Zoom, TEAMS, BlueJeans, Skype, etc.) make sure both you and your child know how to use the platform. Most are very similar to one another. If unfamiliar with the software platform, just head over to YouTube and search the platform and watch some videos. Don’t be afraid to play with the platform being used, you will not break it. Also, ensure you ask for your school’s policy specific to online learning, read it thoroughly, and share it in a language with your child in a way that they can understand.
  • Teach your child how to turn off the device’s camera and mic. There may be times, like having to go to the bathroom, or if something embarrassing is happening in front of the camera, that a camera and mic should be turned off. Again, YouTube can be your friend here in learning how to do this.
  • Pick a space where the backdrop is a wall and not into your open home, and make sure the background is neutral and doesn’t show any personal or private information such as pictures or location information.
  • Wherever possible, do not allow online learning to take place in the child’s bedroom or bathroom. If there is no other option than the child’s bedroom, ensure the door stays open, screen and the back of your child faces the door so you can see what is happening. Once the online learning is over, ensure to remove the device from the bedroom.
  • If you are working from home, it may be difficult to share a space with your child, so think about alternative ways that it could work for all. For example, could you work in your bedroom while they have the home office or living room?
  • The structure is important, this is something school provided to students but is often difficult to establish at home. One way to make this happen, have a “balanced” visual timetable, that uses both text and pictures of the day’s activities, which can be really helpful to establish routine! Post on the student’s bedroom door and in the kitchen.
  • If possible, use a hardwire connection when connecting to the internet, rather than a Wi-Fi connection. This reduces the chances of losing an internet connection during online learning sessions.
  • Make sure the identified learning space is well-lit, has a reliable power source, is comfortable, and if possible can provide peace and quiet to reduce distractions to promote learning.
  • Ensure any non-tech equipment such as notebooks, paper, pens, pencils water, or juice, are within arm’s reach just in case they are needed. This helps to reduce distraction time.
  • Make sure any mobile devices that are going to be used are fully charged if they cannot be plugged in. Nothing worse than a dying battery during an online learning event.
  • If mobile phones are not needed during the online session, try to keep them away unless they are using them during a break, or per the teacher’s instruction.
  • Make sure that your child is wearing similar clothes they would wear id they were attending class at school. No pajamas, unless it’s a pajama day event. Parents, you may want to also consider this suggestion as well just in case you are caught on camera.
  • Do not hover over your kids when they are in class online unless invited. You don’t do this in the brick and mortar schoolroom, the same applies to online learning.
  • Constantly remind your child that although they may be in a private learning environment, everything they do online is public, permanent, searchable, exploitable, copiable, and shareable.
  • Remember, there will be some digital hiccups especially with younger students, this is where you will play an important role to help where reasonable and necessary.
  • Encourage the American Ophthalmology Association’s 20/20/20 rule to help reduce eye strain. Ever 20 minutes, take a 20-second break and focus on an object that is 20 meters away while you blink your eyes. This will help to reduce eye strain fatigue and keep your eyes lubricated.
  • Allow your child to take a break, rehydrate, and enjoy/reward themselves between their next online learning session. If possible, get outside and engage in some form of physical exercise.
  • To help reduce eye strain and headaches, if possible connect the digital learning device to a larger screen, like a TV, using an HDMI cable or with an apple product use “AirPlay”.
  • Implement our “Family Collective Agreement” which clearly outlines expectations on the use of technology both inside and outside of the home: https://files.thewhitehatter.ca/owncloud/index.php/s/AjjifwXzZevgG2i

Remember, make the most of the space you have, but don’t get stressed if you can’t provide the perfect learning environment. If need be, your child can work on the sofa or their bedroom floor.

Our Webinar to help parents to secure their home network and make it more conducive for online learning

 

Final Thoughts 

In our opinion, a slow and balanced/mediated incremental approach to technology that is age-appropriate, where parents and caregivers are fully and collaboratively engaged through participation, communication, and overwatch in their child’s onlife journey, is the magic sauce that will encourage positive digital literacy.

A Transformational Approach To Parenting In Today’s Onlife World

It’s like learning any other new skill, incremental chunks that build upon each other and are collaboratively mentored by parents will provide youth with the agency they are looking for and need in today’s onlife world.

It has been our experience that too many parents and caregivers just throw youth into the deep end of the onlife pool, without the above-mentioned incremental approach to learning. This often ends with less than desirable emotional, psychological, physical, and social outcomes in our youth which really shouldn’t surprise us. When this happens, we parents and caregivers are too quick to point our fingers and place blame on social media vendors and technology, when in fact we are the ones giving our kids the digital keys to the digital highway without any kind of driver training to do so in a safe, secure, and private way.

When we share our concerns with our kids about their onlife world, we should do so in a way that is age-appropriate, incremental, ties into where they are today, is relevant to their life, and appeals to their intelligence and experience – this will help them to make good onlife decisions.

As we always say in all our parent and caregiver programs, be your child’s best parent and not their best friend when it comes to their onlife world – there is a difference! However, to do this parents and caregivers need to educate themselves as well, and this is what this web book is all about!

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