While relationship abuse has always existed, the way young people experience and engage with it has evolved with the rise of social media, smartphones, and other digital tools.
So What is Teen Digital Relationship Abuse? Here’s our definition:
“Teen digital relationship abuse involves a partner using technology, such as social media, text messaging, or location tracking, to emotionally, psychologically, physically, socially, sexually, or financially control another person.”
This form of abuse can include:
- Constant monitoring through excessive text messages demanding to know the who, what, where, when, and why of a teen’s activities.
- Demanding or stealing passwords to access a partner’s phone or social media accounts.
- Hacking or spying on a partner’s online accounts.
- Impersonating a partner on social media to exert control by altering their profile or sending messages on their behalf.
- Flooding a partner’s social media with negative messages about their relationship.
- Sharing private information or intimate images without consent.
- Pressuring a partner to send sexually explicit images (nudes).
- Threatening self-harm if the partner wants to leave the relationship.
This abuse is not harmless; research shows that it often escalates into physical violence. Dr. Brett Holefeld from the University of Newfoundland found that approximately 50% of those who experience digital relationship abuse also experience traditional teen dating violence.
The Statistics: A Disturbing Trend
Academic research is starting to highlight the alarming rise of teen digital relationship abuse:
- A 2009 study by MTV found that 22% of young people felt their partner digitally checked up on them too often, 10% were forced to share passwords, and 17% felt threatened or manipulated online.
- The Cyberbullying Research Center found that 28% of teens aged 12-17 reported experiencing some form of digital relationship abuse. https://cyberbullying.org/digital-dating-abuse.pdf
- A 2021 report from PREVNet and Queen’s University in Canada revealed that up to 30% of surveyed teens had experienced digital relationship abuse. https://bit.ly/3w2hVJM
- Stats Canada (2023) reported that 1 in 4 teens (12-17 years old) experienced at least one incident of tech-facilitated violence in the past year, with that number increasing to 2 in 4 for transgender and non-binary teens.
- Additionally, 4 in 10 teens have experienced some form of violence in their relationships (Stats Canada, 2023).
These statistics make it clear: digital relationship abuse is not a minor issue, it’s a widespread and growing concern and something that we have seen as early as grade 7.
So, what can parents, caregivers, and educators do?
If your child or student is experiencing digital relationship abuse, here are key steps to help them navigate and protect themselves:
- Encourage Open Communication: Teach teens to voice their concerns when their partner’s digital behaviour feels controlling or uncomfortable.
- Keep Passwords Private: Teach them that sharing passwords is never a requirement for trust in a relationship. “No” is a complete sentence.
- Trust Their Instincts: If something feels wrong, encourage them to talk to a friend, parent, teacher, or other trusted adult.
- Document Everything: Encourage teens to take screenshots of abusive messages and store them in a vault or decoy app for evidence.
- Report It: If abuse escalates to threats or coercion, they should report it to law enforcement, school officials, or a trusted adult.
- Take Control of Digital Spaces: Encourage teens to block, unfriend, and remove toxic individuals from their digital lives.
- Change Passwords Before Breaking Up: Before ending a controlling relationship, change passwords and security settings to prevent an abusive partner from accessing personal accounts.
This issue should be integrated into school curricula under social awareness, responsibility, and health education programs. Digital literacy isn’t just about knowing how to use technology, it’s about understanding how to navigate relationships safely in an increasingly connected world. We also known that young people’s awareness of the sign of cyber-dating abuse could potentially mitigate the risks of associated in-person abuse. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11370214/
Teen digital relationship abuse is part of the broader cycle of domestic abuse. It is a form of violence that can have serious emotional and psychological impacts on young people. We recently helped a student who shared that their partner demanded that their Snapchat location be turned on at all times to monitor their whereabouts, this is not a sign of love or care; it is control.
Teen digital relationship abuse is a serious and growing issue that cannot be ignored. As technology becomes more embedded in young people’s lives, so too does the potential for misuse in relationships. The statistics make it clear, this is not a minor concern but a widespread form of abuse that can escalate into more severe harm.
Parents, caregivers, and educators must take an active role in educating teens about healthy digital boundaries, consent, and respectful online interactions. Open conversations at home and in schools, along with proactive strategies to recognize and address abuse, can help young people navigate relationships safely.
Teaching Kids About Respect and Consent: More Than Just a Conversation About Sex
At The White Hatter, we are committed to raising awareness about teen digital relationship abuse in our digital literacy presentations. However, real change starts with families, educators, and communities working together to empower teens with the knowledge and tools to protect themselves.
By fostering open dialogue, setting clear digital boundaries, and integrating this topic into education, we can help ensure that technology is used as a tool for connection—not control. By educating teens, parents, and educators on the signs, risks, and preventative steps, we can empower young people to build healthy digital relationships and break free from cycles of abuse. Knowledge is power—and in this case, it could be life-saving.
Here’s some great 2024 research titled, “Adolescents’ Experiences of Cyber-Dating Abuse and the Pattern of Abuse Through Technology, A Scoping Review” that does a deep dive into this clear and present threat https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11370214/
