Caveat: As a starting point for this article – An Australian e-safety commissioners study reported out that 90% of parents helped a child under the age of 13yrs set up a social media account in clear violation of a social media platform’s Terms Of Service, they also found that 58% of parents or caregivers allowed their child to access a social media account using the parents account.
In today’s onlife world, parenting comes with new layers of complexity, especially as technology continues to evolve at a pace that can make parental oversight challenging. Despite increasing public education on safer internet and technology use and the potential risks of allowing children unsupervised access to adult-designed devices, some parents still permit unrestricted use of smartphones, tablets, and other devices. When issues arise, whether exposure to inappropriate content, cyberbullying, or harmful online interactions, parents often feel shocked and may shift the blame onto technology – common reactions we have heard from parents include statements like
- “Social media is the problem.”
- “Technology has gone too far.”
- “Kids will find trouble no matter what.”
These statements can often deflect responsibility and create a sense that technology itself is inherently harmful, rather than acknowledging how access and boundaries around technology, that are so important for parents and caregivers to set, play a significant role as well.
While technology can contribute to these issues, it’s essential to acknowledge the role that parental guidance plays in online safety. Devices can’t make responsible decisions for children – only parents and caregivers can set appropriate boundaries. While there are indeed aspects of tech platforms that make it easy for young users to stumble upon harmful content, something that we will address as well in this article, parent and caregiver guidance in this space is vital. However, it’s essential to recognize that tech companies, parents, and caregivers play roles in keeping children safer online.
This article examines the distinction between shaming and accountability in online parenting, especially concerning digital safety. We’ll also discuss the shared responsibility of tech companies, highlighting how they have been willfully blind in their role when it comes to child safety. Additionally, we emphasize the urgent need for well-considered legislation to hold these companies accountable for their impact on young users.
Willful blindness occurs when people knowingly ignore potential risks because addressing them feels inconvenient or uncomfortable. Parents and caregivers may be aware of the many risks that come with children’s unfiltered access to adult-designed devices, including social media platforms, but might not take action to set limits or monitor online activity. Rather than being their child’s best parent when it comes to technology, they are their child’s best friend, why? – because it is easier or there is a belief that this will not happen to my child because they are a good kid. (1) When issues do arise, there can be a tendency to blame the platforms or the technology rather than acknowledge that proactive supervision is part of parental responsibility that could have minimized those concerns. (2)
Parental and caregiver responsibility here means not just awareness of potential risks but actively engaging in setting limits, creating boundaries, and educating children about safer and more responsible technology and internet use. (3) This doesn’t mean removing technology from their lives; rather, it involves informed oversight. It’s about the right technology at the right time. It’s about “know” technology rather than “no” technology.
When negative outcomes occur due to unsupervised access, some parents may feel “parent shamed” by others, while others may focus their frustration solely on tech companies. To navigate this with clarity, it’s important to distinguish between shaming and constructive accountability:
Parent and caregiver shaming occurs when judgments are cast on parenting choices without context or empathy. For example, phrases like, “How could you let your kid use that app?” offer no support, leaving parents feeling isolated or defensive.
Shaming may involve:
- Criticizing parenting decisions around technology, discipline, or education, without understanding the family’s situation.
- Commenting on perceived “failures,” such as a child’s behavior in public, without knowing the factors at play.
- Making blanket statements about “good” and “bad” parenting in a way that implies there’s only one right approach.
The result? Parents often feel demoralized, isolated, and defensive, leading them to disengage rather than seek advice.
Constructive accountability is about encouraging safer practices through understanding and support. When a parent allows unsupervised access to devices, constructive feedback would focus on promoting proactive solutions and encouraging the parent to engage in ways that align with both the family’s values and the child’s well-being to ensure their child’s physical, emotional, and social well-being. While parenting methods vary, some universal principles do fall under parental and caregiver responsibility:
- Providing consistent care and supervision.
- Guiding children to make age-appropriate decisions and teaching values.
- Ensuring children’s safety, including monitoring internet and social media usage and providing them with age-appropriate technology combined with age-appropriate access to the internet.
When a parent or caregiver chooses not to engage or fulfill these responsibilities, it can have significant consequences for their child. However, a lack of engagement may not always stem from conscious disregard, sometimes it’s due to a lack of resources, knowledge, or support – thus why digital literacy education for parents and caregivers is so important.
The aim of accountability is not to shame but to create awareness and encourage learning, especially in an onlife world where the risks are often opaque or underestimated.
Yes, technology companies are not meeting their responsibility to keep children safer on their platforms. Despite knowing that young users frequent their sites and apps, many social media companies prioritize growth, engagement, and profit over the creation of safe, child-friendly spaces. From inadequate content moderation to “sticky” algorithmic platform design, many companies are falling short of protecting young users.
Specific concerns with tech companies that we acknowledge include:
- Platforms are often unable to consistently remove harmful content, such as violence, self-harm, or explicit material, from children’s feeds. Algorithms can also push age-inappropriate material without enough effective filtering.
- Many apps and platforms are designed to maximize engagement, often leading young users toward habituated behaviors. For example, endless scrolling and instant notifications create environments where children feel compelled to stay on their devices longer than is healthy.
- Many platforms do not have effective age verification measures, allowing younger users to sign up and access content meant for adults. Moreover, some companies fail to protect minors’ data adequately, putting young users at risk for data misuse or breaches.
Yes, the responsibility for children’s online safety doesn’t rest solely on parents and caregivers. Governments, advocacy groups, and society as a whole need to demand more accountability from tech companies, including through legislative action. (4) Currently, there is limited legal recourse that mandates tech companies to create safer digital spaces for young users. However, efforts are underway in some countries, including Canada, to change this, with legislation aimed at:
- Enforcing age-appropriate design standards
- Implementing effective age verification that also protects privacy
- Holding tech companies accountable for harmful content
- Increasing transparency on algorithmic impact
The issue of children’s online safety is complex and multifaceted. While tech companies must be held accountable for providing safer online spaces, parental and caregiver responsibility remains a vital part of the equation that cannot be dismissed. A balanced approach involves parents, caregivers, tech companies, and lawmakers working together to protect children’s well-being.
In today’s onlife world, ensuring children’s safety online requires a collaborative approach that balances parental and caregiver responsibility with accountability from tech companies and legislative support. While tech companies must design safer, age-appropriate platforms and lawmakers need to enforce protections, parents and caregivers also play a crucial role in guiding children’s technology and internet use. By staying informed, setting boundaries, and fostering open communication, parents and caregivers can help their children navigate online spaces responsibly. Ultimately, a unified effort among parents, caregivers, tech companies, and lawmakers is essential to create a safer onlife world where young users can learn, grow, and connect without unnecessary risk.
This collective responsibility model acknowledges that while parents and caregivers are the first line of defense, they can’t be expected to shoulder the entire burden. Just as parents and caregivers set rules at home, tech companies should set “digital rules” on their platforms to create safer spaces for children, and it has become crystal clear that lawmakers should create laws that hold these companies accountable for their impact on young users.
When parents and caregivers allow their children unsupervised access to devices designed for adults, they’re exposing them to risks that may not be immediately visible but have been well-documented in research and public education. (5) This is especially true in cases where parents and caregivers allow youth to have access to a device that connects to the internet in their bedrooms unsupervised, especially at night. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by the complexities of online safety; however, it’s essential that parents and caregivers actively engage with these tools and stay vigilant about their children’s online experiences – this is a parent and caregiver responsibility.
Yes, tech companies must step up. Many platforms are built with features designed to maximize user engagement, often with little regard for the age-appropriateness of the content children may encounter. However, age verification systems are often easy to bypass, (6)(7) and algorithms can unintentionally expose young users to harmful content. (8) Despite these risks, tech companies are frequently slow to act, prioritizing growth and financial profit over safety. This is where legislative action becomes crucial. Policies that enforce age-appropriate design standards, demand transparency, and require robust age verification that protects privacy can help mitigate risks and pressure tech companies to prioritize child safety over profits.
The path forward lies in a balanced approach – parents and caregivers who take an active role in their child’s online experience, tech companies that prioritize safety over engagement metrics, and legislation that ensures accountability and transparency. By working together, we can create a digital environment that respects both the curiosity of young minds and their need for safety. This balance will allow children to benefit from the incredible educational and social opportunities the internet provides, without the undue risks of unrestricted, unsupervised access.
Parents, caregivers, and tech companies all have a role in keeping children safer online, and meaningful progress will only come when responsibility is shared across these fronts. By embracing proactive parenting, demanding accountability from tech vendors, and supporting legislation that prioritizes safety, we can build a digital environment where children can explore and learn in today’s onlife world without undue risk.
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
Facts Not Fear, Facts No Emotions, Enlighten Not Frighten, Know Tech Not No Tech
References:
3/ https://thewhitehatter.ca/blog/a-transformational-approach-to-parenting-in-todays-onlife-world/
