Caveat – this posting was spawned by a youth who reached out to us asking about this very concerning hoax they saw on their TikTok feed.
In 2021 an anonymous group of people created and shared a hashtag called “April 24th Rape Day.” This trend, which quickly gained attention, was purportedly created to encourage sexual assault and harassment on April 24th. The hashtag reportedly contained graphic and disturbing content related to rape, and many people were understandably outraged and concerned about the trend’s potential impact.
This hoax has boomeranged to 2023, and is starting to trend on TikTok and spreading among youth once again.
A couple of important points:
- We know that hoaxes cause harm, and social media can exacerbate this fact
- The spread of this hoax reinforces a common misconception about sexual violence that it is often perpetrated by strangers, when, in reality, it is typically committed by someone whom the survivor knows, loves, or trusts.
- Unfortunately, there will be sexual assaults on April 24th why – not because of this hoax, but because the sexual assault of women is a daily occurrence
So, what should parents and caregivers do given that this hoax is starting to once again trend with youth on social media platforms like TikTok?
- Remember – discussing this hoax with children can be a challenging but important conversation for parents to have, especially given the sensitive nature of the topic. Here are some tips that might be helpful:
- Start the conversation – Parents should initiate the conversation by asking their children if they’ve heard anything about the “April 24 Rape Day” or any other harmful trends circulating on social media. It’s essential to remain calm and reassuring throughout the conversation.
- Provide age-appropriate information – Parents should tailor their explanations to their children’s age, development, and maturity level. They should avoid using graphic details and instead emphasize the severity of the issue.
- Address any fears or concerns – Children may have questions or concerns about their safety or that of their friends. Parents should validate their feelings, reassure them that they are safe, and encourage them to speak up if they experience or witness any form of sexual violence or harassment.
- Teach consent and respect – Parents should use this opportunity to teach their children about consent, respect, and healthy relationships. They should stress the importance of respecting boundaries, seeking clear and enthusiastic consent, and communicating openly and honestly.
Given today’s world, respecting boundaries when it comes to healthy human sexuality is an important discussion that we need to have with our kids. Our kids need to understand that “Informed Consent”, specific to sexual intimacy, is an ongoing process that must be given at every stage of intimacy. It should also be understood that informed consent cannot be given if the other person is under the influence of drugs, alcohol, asleep, or unconscious. Important to understand that informed consent is not a “maybe”, or a coerced “yes”, a “sure” or “I guess so”, or even silence.
Planned Parenthood in the United States developed something they called “Consent Fries” to help explain informed consent, with “Fries” being an acronym that stands for:
Freely Given – consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol
Reversible – anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed
Informed – You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.
Enthusiastic – when it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you want to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.
Specific – Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom at a party to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex)
Please share Planned Parenthood’s “Consent Fries” analogy with your teens, and take the time to integrate it with your ongoing talks with your kids about relationships and healthy human sexuality.
Also teach your kids to be aware of “red flags” that can indicate that the other person is not respecting informed consent such as:
- Trying to pressure or guilt your teen in doing things they don’t want to do such as saying “come on, I’ve been waiting for this all day” or “what, you don’t love me, if you did you would do this for me” or “you have been coming on to me all night”
- Attempt to make your teen feel like they owe them sex by saying things like, “ I took you out for dinner and a movie and now you want to ignore me”
- Reacting negatively when your teen says “no” and shows anger and resentment in their reaction to them saying “no”, and
- Completely ignore it when your teen verbally says “no” but also ignore their non-verbal physical reactions such as pushing them away.
Remember, teach your teen that “NO” is a complete sentence – there is no room for negotiation! If a person is not respecting your boundaries and informed consent specific to healthy human sexuality, teach your teen to leave the situation if they can. If they can’t remove themselves, then let the other person know that if they continue that what they are doing is “rape” – a term that can often bring the reality of a situation to the offender’s attention which can often stop further escalation.
It’s important for parents to maintain open communication with their children surrounding online hoaxes, particularly around sensitive topics such as sexual violence. By educating our kids, parents can help protect them and promote healthy attitudes and behaviors surrounding consent, respect, and trust. Use this trending hoax as a teachable moment no matter what the sexual orientation or gender identity of your child!
Digital Food For Thought
The White Hatter
